You don't have to be under 40 to master the art of conversation in dating!
If you're a single woman working toward meeting a grown-up, confident and relationship-minded man, a must-have skill is the art of conversation. If your perception is that all a guy does is look you up and down and decide if he wants to ask you out, you're wrong. The "good guys" want to connect somehow if they're going to spend an evening with you. They want to know you'll be fun and open and that the two of you can carry on a conversation. (Just what you want to know, right?) Dating: How Do You Know If Someone Is A Match?
You don't have to be a super extrovert. You don't have to tell stories of rock climbing or doing charity work in Africa. What you do need to do is know how to, well, how to be you. I want you to get asked out by these "good guys" so I'm going to help you do just that. Let's get started.
Visualize yourself at a party standing at the nosh table. A woman walks up, you make quick eye contact and you smile at each other. How might the conversation go? You might ask her a standard question or two: something in the realm of "So, how do you know Susie?" Then, you might tell her a quick story about how you and Susie met. Maybe it's a little funny. The two of you laugh. She shares a story. You tell her you like her shoes and ask if she's seen the big sale at the local Macy's. She tells you "no" because she's been working so much. To Call Or Not To Call?
Are you seeing it? This, my friend, is conversation. Easy, right? Here are my ten tips to create good conversation and make a connection with men:
1. Men are just people. It's really not that much harder to talk to men. We just make it that way. If you're nervous about this, it may be because you have some beliefs about men that are getting in your way. Check those, sister. They aren't as scary as you think. What Men Say About Women (It May Surprise You!)
2. Know why you rock. Be prepared to articulate things about yourself and your life that you like and are proud of. If you haven't done this already, after reading this article, start making your list.
3. Use "because" to help get out the juicy stuff out. This is like a magic word to help you bridge a sentence into something far more interesting. He asks what you do. You can say "I'm an accountant." Or, you can say "I'm an accountant, and I love it because I've always been fascinated by numbers. And, since laws change constantly, it's always challenging." Wow! You've just told him a ton in one sentence.
4. Fake it and I bet you'll make it. Tell yourself you're going to go out today and start conversations with men. Just go do it. Fake it. I promise the positive response you get will make it 100% easier to do it again and again.
5. Don't compete. The truth is that many of us are guilty of this. Men hate it. They get enough competition at work and with their male friends. Brag away but make sure it's done humbly and gracefully. If you're giving him your 411 in direct response to things he says, it may very well be seen as competing. He wants to hear about you, but not in a way that screams "I'm better than you!"
6. Take a breath. Men often do this weird thing: they actually think before they talk. They mull. They form full sentences in their mind before they speak them. Weird, I know. Don't be afraid of silence. And if you really want to get to know a man, just hush. He'll talk if you let him. What Looking for Love and Birthing a Baby Have in Common
7. Compliment him. I bet you do this with just about every woman you meet. Men love to be complimented, yet women rarely do it. Be the gal who tells him he picked a great restaurant, looks hot in his black jacket or cracked a great joke. Tell him you 100% agree with something he says. Complimenting men on their mind and wit is usually far better received that doing so on their appearance.
8. Be real. Tell the truth. Don't be afraid to say something that may make you look…dare I say: human! Talking about yourself doesn't have to be bragging. Tell him you bashed into a pole last week while texting or that your job is great but it may be time to move on soon. (Don't forget the "because" here.)
9. Don't ask what they do. It's very American to ask what people do for a living. In other countries it's considered "très grossier." Men often see this as if we're conducting an upfront litmus test. If you want to impress a man, just don't ask. He will tell you on his own time (and probably pretty quickly).
10. Smile, make eye contact and have some fun. 'Nuff said.
Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup, is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first time bride at 47, Bobbi shares in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love" at DateLikeaGrownup.com.
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This article was originally published at Date Like A Grownup. Reprinted with permission from the author.