Suspect An Affair? Don't Turn Into A Spy

So being suspicious alone isn't necessarily a problem. But a toxic mix of insecurity and suspicion can prove to be a very destructive cocktail. Because how you go about coping with suspicion can determine the fate of your relationship.

How far would you go? Think back on your relationships. When relationship insecurity kicked in for you (remember, we're talking about either justified or unfounded insecurity), what have you been willing to do about it?

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• Have you searched through his pockets or his briefcase?
• Have you peeked at his emails? His phone? His social media pages? His internet history?
• Have you checked the phone bill? The credit card statements?
• Have you eavesdropped on his phone conversations?
• Have you tracked his movements with GPS?
• Have you been tempted to follow him?
• Have you actually followed him? Even once?

How did it go, this secret rummaging through his life? Did you find evidence that he was lying? That he had been unfaithful? And if you didn't, did you give up and accept the fact that you were probably overreacting, or did you take your tactics up a notch?

Just how far would you go to prove or disprove his guilt? Sometimes, once you start down this frenzied road of suspicion and spying, it creates a snowball effect. The frenzy gets bigger and bigger, more and more desperate.

If you have evidence of wrongdoing, then you demand even more. Now, you need even further proof that he is cheating. So, as if you're assembling an arsenal in preparation for war, you keep going and going. To what end?

And let's say you have produced no evidence that he is cheating. Then, you very well might choose continue to look for it, increasing the intensity of your search. And why? Because now, if he is truly innocent and your suspicions have been completely unsubstantiated, what does it say about you that you’ve gone through all of this absurdity?

What does it say about the relationship? Because, at this point, you have worked yourself into some pretty crazy behavior. And by doing so, it was you, not him, who has broken a sacred trust in the relationship. So to save face, you up the ante, compelled to keep going to find the proof that will justify your behavior.

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Again, to what end?