She was in a quandary. “Invite him along.”
So Amy signed up for a hiking group. Ed liked hiking. But he wanted to watch the games the first times she went. The third time, however, he surprised her by saying yes. She was thrilled.
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Lead by Moving in a Different Direction: Amy engaged in another powerful form of leadership in relationship, by changing gears. Like leading by example, moving in a different direction and changing things up can be facilitated with no discussion!
IV. Jason was listening to Molly. She was distraught about an interaction she had with her sister. She went round and round, playing it over, seeking relief. He knew that he was not allowed to “fix it,” but that’s all he wanted to do. Listening to his beloved wife in a seemingly illogical tailspin made him feel helpless and was frankly a little maddening.
He wanted to do something to ease her pain. And then he remembered: “She just wants to be understood.” He woke up and saw Molly. He recognized what had upset her.
“Sounds like you really felt ignored. That stings.”
“Yes!” She said. “I felt really ignored. And I hate that!” Jason, Molly’s husband of 10 years, actually knew that about her. Now that Molly felt understood, something lifted. She stopped cycling the story. They felt close.
Lead by listening and Reflecting back. Listening is a great relationship skill, but the leadership part of listening comes in the reflecting back. This reflection is not an analysis. It is simply a mirror; your understanding of what is being said – explicitly or not.
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