1. Know thyself. Famously attributed to several Greek philosophers, this aphorism is as true now as it has always been. How can you tell if you know yourself, really? Sit down and have a conversation with yourself in which you identify your core values and life goals. Your core values serve as markers to let you know your life is on track.
When you live a life aligned with your core values, you will fulfill one of your highest needs: for your life to have meaning. A few examples of core values are: honesty, stability, openness, self-respect, and compassion. When you find you are doing things to maintain a relationship that go against your grain, that's a red flag. It warns you that you are acting in opposition to your core values. Eventually, you will feel resentment or a deep, uneasy feeling within yourself. I'm sure you can imagine what effect these feelings would have on your relationship.
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Associated with your values are your life goals. A life goal is a powerful force that drives your energy, thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and choices. Some people's life goals are very much deliberate and intentional while others act according to life goals they are not aware of on a conscious level. When you discover and identify your life goals, you can understand the meaning of your life and your unique role in the world.
Taking the time to envision why you are here and how you want to live your life will help you select or create your own unique future. Understanding your life goals will help you feel better, do better, be better. You will be able to focus your life by making choices that are in alignment with your life goals, an important step in determining compatibility in relationships.
2. Know what you need. It is important to know what you need in a relationship. Many people mistakenly believe that a need reveals weakness. Nothing could be further from the truth. The plain fact is that we all have needs, and our needs are legitimate.
A need is essential to your doing your best, having your best and being your best. Many needs can be met from within you, but we are talking about the needs that must be met within your relationship — from outside of you. When a need is met by a partner, you may feel soothed, glad, loved, understood and valued. When a need is not met, you may feel hurt, angry, frustrated or rejected.
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A few examples of needs are: affection, openness, communication, consideration, commitment and trust. What are your needs in a relationship? If you have trouble identifying your needs, it is an indication you may not even be aware of them, or aware that you have any. All the more reason to get to know yourself a little better! Keep reading ...
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