Money touches each and every aspect of our relationship: where we live, where we eat, where our kids go to school. Money discussions can easily turn into "money fights." If we are going to argue about money, we better learn how to fight fair. Remember, you love each other, you don’t want to hurt one another. Use the acronym F.A.I.R., the next time money tension threatens your happy relationship.
F - Forgive - Holding grudges ensures every fight will be bigger than it needs to be. It's like you're fighting two fights at once! Move forward together and don't dwell on the past. Honor your partner, admit to your Financial Infidelity, and trust your love with your emotions and views about money.
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A - Assess - Know your Money Personalities. (Saver, Spender, Risk Taker, Security Seeker, Flyer take our FREE Money Personality Quiz) Determine how your Money Personalities are affecting this "money struggle.” Can you see the situation through their eyes?
I - Input – Take a deep breath and give each spouse an opportunity to offer a solution to the problem. Differing viewpoints can balance out a relationship, if we are willing to each other's input.
R - Respect – Your relationship is a long-term commitment. Respect your spouse and their different approach to money. Their Money Personality is part of who they are. Respect the balance and perspective each of you bring to your relationship. Compromise draws you together as a team.
Does this sound familiar?
Steve and Sarah are dating. She is a Saver and he is a Spender. Steve buys her flowers, candy, and takes her out to nice restaurants. She is so enamored by all of his spending because it's so different from her routine – it’s fun, and exciting. Then they get married. She doesn't find the spending so exciting anymore. She says some "digs" toward Steve and does some "damage.” But things change when she decides to "Fight Fair".
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1. Forgive - Sarah says, "I am sorry for putting you down for being a spender.”
2. Assess - She realizes he is a Spender and this is how he expresses love. She knows since she is a Saver the spending makes her nervous.