How Can You Get Out Of Your Own Way & Find Love?

How Can You Get Out Of Your Own Way & Find Love?

How Can You Get Out Of Your Own Way & Find Love?

It's the end of January, are you doing what it takes to make love happen?

It’s almost the end of January.


How are your commitments for love going?  Have you created a structure for making your dreams come true this year?

Most people, on New Year’s Day, are pretty psyched about their resolutions, especially when it comes to getting an amazing body, making more money, or finally finding true love.

But just a few weeks later, the excitement dissipates.

Even the smartest, most well-intentioned people find themselves falling back into their usual mindsets.


Maybe you’re experiencing this yourself.

Is doing what it takes to find genuine love starting to seem like too much?

Are you giving in to the all-too-familiar mental trap of telling yourself things like “There’s just no one worth dating where I live”?

Look, I know changing your approach to finding love can be very challenging, but. . . .

If you want to be married by this time next year, you’ve got to maintain a steadfast commitment to your resolution and let go of anything standing in your way.

Especially if the person standing in your way is you!



Trust me, I know what it’s like to get in the way of myself.

I’ve always really struggled when it comes to exercising consistently because I prefer to sit behind my desk working, coaching or generating ideas.

And it’s crazy, because when I do yoga and Pilates, I feel amazing, balanced and energized. When I don’t go to my classes—because I keep telling myself that I don’t have time—I feel the opposite—sluggish, tired and unbalanced.

Well, that’s how it used to be before I experienced a major breakthrough by becoming aware of the gap between what I wanted (to feel fantastic) and what I was actually doing (making excuses) and then creating a structure to heal that gap.

When all these things clicked inside me, I realized that I had to use the same techniques that have helped me achieve some of my greatest successes.

I’m the kind of person who loves to work with the end in mind—I love to imagine results.

Meet to Marry: A Dating Revelation for the Marriage Minded —my book—is a great example of how I operate.

I made a cover, noted the publishing date and marked it a New York Times bestseller even before I wrote the first word.

Then I took all of the actions to transform these intentions into realities.

I made a writing schedule, decided how much time I needed to write each week, figured out how many chapters I’d write per week and blocked out regular chunks of time in my calendar.

I also realized that I couldn’t do it all on my own, so I hired my support team: an agent, an editor, graphics people, and other experts who I could count on to help me actualize my goals.


Were there days when I didn’t feel like writing?

Absolutely, but I was so passionate about achieving my goal that I made sure to set out by removing any internal or external obstacles and establishing a routine—a plan—that guided me through the inevitable bumps on the path.  Even when I didn’t feel like it, I wrote because I was devoted to getting the word out that “extraordinary love is possible” for all people who want it.

I used the same technique to find my husband.  I pictured my future life in my mind and I took the inner and outer steps to make that happen.

And I depended on this strategy when getting out of my way in terms of exercising.



Ask yourself these questions:


  • What are the gaps between what I want and what I actually experience in my love life?
  • What is it about these gaps that are keeping me from finding the love I need and deserve?

Maybe you’ll realize that one of the big gaps is that you want love but keep telling yourself there’s no one good for you in your city.  In this case, you’re becoming aware of how you’re getting in your way by claiming to want one thing but saying it’s not possible.

Be kind to yourself as you enter this process of observing the patterns that are separating you from your heart’s true desire.

You need to see yourself clearly, and it’s hard to do that if you’re being harshly judgmental about yourself.

When you feel ready for true change, look in the mirror and say, “I want to shift my experience.”

Then, ask yourself:  What can I do to close this painful gap and get out of my way?

If you’re blocking yourself in the way I just described, you might try letting go of the negative mental chatter and consciously replacing it with the simple affirmation that you can, in fact, find just the right person in your city.


The next step involves figuring out what kind of structures you need to put into place to make your dream of meeting and marrying the most amazingly wonderful person come true this year.

Tap into other areas of your life and think about what has helped you succeed in them.


Ask yourself:  How can I apply these structures to my love life?

When you’ve come up with some initial ideas, map out your plan and get to acting!



Don’t let your commitment to finding exactly the right person and creating your own richly rewarding marriage fall to the wayside!

If you have questions related to anything I’ve shared today—whether they’re about getting in your own way, overcoming negative mental chatter, or creating a structure—share them in the comments box, and I’ll offer you some insight.

I know sometimes you want to keep things more confidential, so if that’s the case, email your question to

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
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