The TRANSITIONAL woman

The TRANSITIONAL woman is the first girlfriend you get serious about after your break up with your wife or long-term girlfriend.
She is called “transitional” because she bridges the gap between yesterday and tomorrow.

She is usually the opposite of what you are used to. Everything your former lover didn’t like to do, this woman likes to do. She’ll eat sushi, she knows about cigars, she plays golf or will watch football, and she likes you, your dog, and your blue and purple Hawaiian shirt. And this satisfies your hunger in all the areas where you have been starved.

Yes, she’s pretty close to perfect. Your ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, children, parents and friends now have physical proof of your breakup with your ex. The reality is painful. It’s their reality. It’s their pain. But they become vocal, they become difficult, and they become child-like. They call her SHE. She this and she that. Or HER—the other demon pronoun. It’s all because of HER! And you begin to have doubts about her and your relationship with her. What’s wrong with her that your old world is not receiving your new love with warmth, grace, and open arms?

What’s wrong with her? Sounds like nothing. What’s wrong with you? And what’s wrong with all those other people who are making ridiculous noise and unreasonable demands. You begin to bring trouble to the relationship by doing and saying things about—and to—your lady love. Or, you allow your people to. Like it’s her fault that these people are being mean to her. Or, she actually becomes wicked because that’s the corner she has been painted into.

Big surprise, you break up.

Now you begin to date someone else who isn’t half as pretty, not nearly as personable, can’t play golf, doesn’t like to kiss, and doesn’t make you nearly as happy. But the old crowd isn’t as critical of her, so you think she is a better woman, and you pursue her even though she doesn’t quite measure up.

What you fail to realize is that your family and friends want you to be happy—right? Well, yes and no.

The Transitional Woman is seen not as a person but as a sign of change, and your family and friends are having trouble adjusting to you, the changed you. They say it’s her, but it isn’t her. It’s them. And it’s mainly you. And she’s caught in the web. They see you happy for the first time in a long time, and that makes them uncomfortable. You’re a changed person. And, as I said, they prefer little to no change in their view of your status or their relationship with you. Again, you thought it was her fault that your friends and family didn’t like her. It wasn’t. They would have behaved the same way with whomever you brought to the party, if they felt threatened somehow of losing you, your affection, your neediness...

After family and friends have exercised their power over your life and sufficiently destroyed your relationship, they are more willing and ready to accept whomever you bring to the next party, no matter who it is. You think that they are endorsing your next girlfriend. But really they couldn’t care less about her.