He says, “All men are...!” Is this true?
I say, “For the most part… what can I say?” LOL
First, let’s look at EGO. There is nothing wrong with having an ego. It’s like having an attitude. We all have one. An issue arises when it’s an overly-inflated ego, or a bad attitude.
Your EGO is your “I.” EGO is your singular point of view. Regarded as your psychological executive (your inner Chief Executive Officer), your EGO can be a warrior standing fast at the entryway to your body, your mind, and your heart. Fatigued, your ego follows you around like a distended shadow, making all kinds of childish demands. It will endure the worst agonies of neurotic misery rather than consent to the extinction of even one small part of its distorted sense of its own importance. It seeks to control you and to dominate everything and everyone around you—the whole universe if it could.
Hence, the battered ego can be a sly and destructive trickster that suffers from its own machinations—intoxicating and addicting, but resistant and brittle, and unwilling to change. When it is egomaniacal, so are you. If your ego is healthy, your expectations are healthy and expressed in healthy ways. If your ego is not healthy, your demands are ridiculous and your needs impossible to satisfy.
Strongly rational and oriented toward problem solving, the EGO will not accept too much new information without trying right away to make sense of it and make room for it. And, too quickly it is into overload, sparking and smoking, and picking up no cues from outside itself. Think about how you behaved after hours of trying to put something together without first reading the instructions.
This void will take a position on the left side of your brain and dig in its heels, resisting any exposure of your inner life or any acknowledgment of weakness, fear or vulnerability.
Impatient and demanding by its very nature, EGO is suspicious of any process that has no double-blind, longitudinal research data to quantify it. It must have clear-cut methods or timetables with predictable results and no risk. (Yet it won’t read the instructions or ask for directions.)
To err is human.
No one is always alert or always aware, even when we most wish to be. Often we don’t know what to do or say, and we make a mistake.
Take responsibility. Responsibility is a word that has been variously defined since our formative years, but it is really very simple. To be responsible is to accept the consequences of one’s acts, even when the consequences are overwhelmingly disproportionate to the seeming insignificance of the act:
- A moment of inattention
- A joke when seriousness is called for
- Withholding pertinent information
- A wrong word
- A seemingly innocent white lie (a.k.a. deception)
- Not keeping a promise (a.k.a. a lie of intention)
- A practical joke that is purposeless
- Gerbils sneaking into your office and activating your on-line dating profile while you sleep
These can result in someone being injured permanently. Everything can be lost for a short time, or a long time, perhaps forever.
Responsibility means that we own up to our mistakes and allow the results to come home to us.
So, when your boyfriend says, "All Men are...(jack-asses)," I believe he means: MEN often don’t take responsibility for their thoughtless behaviors. They tend to justify and try to explain away their errors rather than admit to them and own them. And, if they are confronted, they face the challenge of convincing their partner that she has suffered a temporary but undeniable lapse in sanity.
In other words: “Most men 'behave' like jack-asses.”
I hope this helped to clear up any confusion.
Barbara Kennedy, MPH, MSW, is a well-known relationship coach, prominent speaker, and public health educator with a private relationship coaching practice in Scottsdale, Arizona. Author of “BABY BOOMER MEN LOOKING FOR LOVE – The Last Dance” and soon to be released “BABY BOOMER WOMEN 1,000 FIRST DATES – Love-On-Line (L-O-L)” www.BabyBoomerMenLookingForLove.com