4 Ways To Deal With Unpleasant People

By

4 Ways To Deal With Unpleasant People
Don't let their bad attitude affect your happy life.

Would you invite ants to your picnic? I'm sure you would prefer not to! So my question to you is why would you invite into your life people that are unpleasant and/or not in your best interest? Sometimes it happens because someone intimidates us. Sometimes we think someone is a wonderful addition to our lives and then as time goes by we realize otherwise.

Certainly, the experience of an unwelcome guest at our "picnic" is a universal happening. I am talking about our lives. Our "picnics" are a metaphor for each of our lives. And what a delight our lives should be! Just like a wonderful picnic, each day should be a great daily event where the food is wonderful, the weather is sunny and people who respect and care about us are our guests. Laughter and wisdom should prevail, along with kindness, interest in others, and positive energy. Feelings of delight should have guest passes. So how do we get rid of those nasty ants walking on our beautiful red and white checkered picnic cloth?

 

Let's talk about two different types of invaders. The first are people who are simply not in your best interest. They may appear as friends or even be your relatives, but you know at some profound gut level that they are not invested in your well-being as much as you would expect for whatever the level of connection is. The second type of invader is the person who seems to drain you of your energy. Talking to one of them for five minutes may make you feel exhausted or depleted for the rest of the day. Sometimes you don't know what hit you; it happens so fast. How do we push back from both types of people? Of course, the answers can be extremely complicated as one of these invaders may be your boss, or a close relative, or a friend of your dearest friend, etc. Often, we can not just dismiss these people from our lives, but here are a few suggestions:

  1. If someone is draining your energy, you can imagine a protective shield of some sort around you when you are with them. Perhaps you can think of a plastic shield that surrounds you.
  2. Make sure with someone that drains you that you don't spend extra time together that you can avoid.
  3. When people are not in your best interest, you may find it helpful to genuinely take a real interest in them. Focusing on them when you chat will not only make them feel good, but may actually change their attitude toward you. Some people are simply not in your best interest as they feel competitive and even envious. So if they feel you really care about them, in an instant, they relax and begin to care about you.
  4. For more serious negative invaders of your success in life, you may have to truly distance yourself. This can be as dramatic as not seeing someone anymore or may simply mean learning how to get off the phone quickly when you have to talk to them. Of course, at this level of separating, you may need counseling or psychotherapy to help you protect yourself and distance.

Watch my video, Ridding Ourselves Of Bad Tenants.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, internationally known Positive Psychologist is the creator of The Enchanted Self ®, a positive psychology method for happiness. She is in private practice in Long Branch, New Jersey with her husband, Dr. Russell M. Holstein. Dr. Barbara can be found on the web, interviewed, writing articles and posting video 'TED' style talks on Happiness, Positive Psychology, Relationships and Parenting. She has been a contributor to Heart and Soul, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Redbook, Real Simple, The Wall Street Journal, Time online, the Today Show and Family Circle Magazine. Some of her books include: The Enchanted Self, A Positive TherapyThe Truth, Diary of a Gutsy Tween and Around Every Corner, Romance & Mystery. All can be found on Amazon. Major websites include: www.enchantedself.com, www.thetruthforgirls.com and on Facebook: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein-Psychologist & Author. Tweet her at: @drbholstein or @truth4girls.

This article was originally published at http://www.enchantedself.com. Reprinted with permission.

More about how to be happy on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Barbara Becker Holstein

Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach

Credentials: EdD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Life Transitions, Parenting, Child Development, Girls, Tweens and Teens

Website: Barbara Becker Holstein's website

Telephone: 732-571-1200  e-mail: drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Websites: Enchanted Self,  TheTruthforgirls next-year-in-jerusalem,  authorsspeaking positivepsychologyforwomen

Latest Books: The Truth, Diary of A Gutsy Tween; Around Every Corner, Romance & Mystery...(On Kindle), Secrets: You Tell Me Yours And I'll Tell You Mine...Maybe, Next Year In Jerusalem, Parts 1 And 2, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy

You Tube: Enchanted Self, The Truth for Girls, Next Year in Jerusalem

Find me on Twitter: @TRUTH4GIRLS, and @DRBHOLSTEIN

Find me on Pinterest: DR. BARBARA

Sign up for my webinar on Women and Fantasy

Location: Long Branch, NJ
Credentials: EdD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Life Transitions
Other Articles/News by Barbara Becker Holstein:

Life, The Greatest Ride of All

By

Life is the greatest roller coaster ride we will ever take. The ups and downs, the unexpected changes, the twists and turns, are all a part of living. The roller coaster ride of life can be miserable and uncomfortable or exciting and rewarding. Our states of mind and body are key factors in how we handle these changes. The problems of life do not go away ... Read more

Turning Fantasy into Reality

By

Fantasy is a genre of fiction that uses magic and other supernatural phenomena as a primary element of ploy, theme, or setting. Many works within the genre take place in imaginary worlds where magic is common. Often the genre of fantasy is dominated by its medievalist form as can be seen or read in The Lord of the Rings books by J. R. Tolkien. Fantasy ... Read more

Even a Banana Can Be A Miracle

By

My daughter passed along the following true story*—a wonderful example of the great Divine's ability to give us gifts, both great and small. A few years ago a Rabbi's wife and their son had to go to Germany. The little boy was ill and the only appropriate treatment for his very unusual illness was to be found in a hospital in Germany. Mrs. ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular