50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

A Loving Relationship Starts With Yourself!

By

A Loving Relationship Starts With Yourself!
The road to sexual arousal

Marie fell in love with Steve the first night they met.  June was right, he was perfect for her-handsome, a good listener and in a similar line of work. Soon she was madly in love to the point of going over the top in every way to enjoy their love affair.  Sleep didn't matter.  Food didn't matter.  Her job didn't matter.  Only Steve mattered.  The love making was unbelievable, and so was the connection.  The magic would go on forever....

Except that three months later they had broken up.  The magic had disappeared and a temper in Steve that Marie wasn't about to put up with, had appeared.  And worse than even the break-up, Marie now had to deal with a chronic sinus infections from neglecting  herself and a warning at work for coming in late once too often.  Her life was a mess.  It was time to start a loving relationship with herself!

Lots of women think that a loving relationship starts by falling in love with someone.  Yes,  for sure that is the road to sexual arousal, a high even better than climbing Mount Everest, and if you are lucky, a permanent relationship.  But it is not the road to the safest and most permanent way to make sure you will always have loving relationships.

That road, often unpaved and unmarked and at times filled with stones to easily trip on, is the road to self-love.  I don't mean narcissistic love that involves a constant focus on yourself.  I mean something else, a recognition that you are your own best friend.  When no one else in the world may understand your feelings or thoughts, you at least understand how they came about.  Maybe you can't solve a dilemma that you are in, but for sure, you may be your strongest advocate to find a solution.

I have heard more personal stories than most people, as a therapist, and one thing I have heard over and over again is how the husband or child, or boss, or teacher, or mother who was 'there' for the woman telling me her story to me, had not been there for her at a crucial moment, maybe had even hurt her unintentionally or on purpose, when she most needed support.

I often talk about the client who told me how for 20 years, until she finally left him, her husband would greet any good idea or plan that she brought to his attention, with: "That and 5 cents will get you a cup of coffee".  Killing our mental spirit and energy can be as cruel as any form of abuse!

So the bottom line is finding the ways to develop a loving relationship with ourselves.  Here is what I suggest:

Never let your personal gas tank go down to empty.  Let's meet a couple of women who now have loving relationships with themselves.

Julia was a wonderful mom, daughter, wife, friend and employee.  In fact, she was so caring for others that she stopped recognizing the signals from her mind and body that should have told her she was near empty.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Barbara Becker Holstein

Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach

telephone: 732-571-1200  e-mail: drbarbara@enchantedself.com

Websites: Enchanted Self TheTruthforgirls next-year-in-jerusalem authorsspeaking positivepsychologyforwomen

Latest Books: The Truth (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything), Next Year in Jerusalem: Romance, Mystery & Spiritual Awakening

You Tube: Enchanted Self, The Truth for Girls, Next Year in Jerusalem

Sign up for my newsletters: Enchanted Self,  The Truth for Girls

Sign up for my webinar on Women and Fantasy

Location: Long Branch, NJ
Credentials: EdD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Divorce/Divorce Prevention, Life Transitions
Other Articles/News by Barbara Becker Holstein:

It's Not Narcissism! A Psychologist Makes The Case For Selfies

By

I'm standing in the bathroom of our time share exchange on Block Island. The sunlight is coming through the window and I'm admiring my tan in the mirror; the first glow that makes me feel healthy and happy. I look good. And, you know what? I don't always feel that way. Let's just say that "youthful glow" is not my strong suit. But ... Read more

Who Is Going to Hold My Hand?

By

I just remembered Valentine's Day when I was in the fifth grade.  I was home sick, wandering around the house, lonely, watching endless television. An only child, illness was something to be evaluated by my mother.  If I was very sick she stayed home with me and we played board games.  But if I just had a cold or a low grade fever, I was on ... Read more

Help! Valentines Day Is Coming And I'm Divorced!

By

Sally, a successful young business woman, was in therapy for four months and making lots of progress. Her divorce had started out as a shock and not her choice, but psychotherapy had helped her to see how many irresolvable issues had come between her and Lennie. Donna, Lennie's new seductive secretary was certainly the most clearly unresolvable ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
happiest

Listen Up, Darling: A Sex Kitten Is Never Hangry or Tired

Recently I shared eight surprising traits of a sex kitten. Each of those traits are ones that ...

happy couple older

Just Say No: The 4 Types of People You Shouldn't Date

You can avoid bad relationships simply by avoiding certain types of people.

Heart

Hundreds of Matchmakers Descend on NYC to Spread The Love!

The 2014 Matchmakers and Date Coaches conference has arrived!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS