Sure it can be difficult to talk about sex because you weren't given courses in school on how to do it. And most likely, your parents didn't give you much help in this area, either. You’ll have to work at it, exploring as you go along, picking up on where to head next by the reactions of your partner. The key ingredient is that you can’t go into a relationship expecting to know a gal’s needs by osmosis, nor can you expect her to know your needs.
In lovemaking, being aware of this ahead of time can make you a powerful lover. Failure to pick up this knowledge can make you the bumbling guy that can't measure up to her expectations. One good start (if it is sincere) is to explain to a woman how much you respect her and want to please her. Just be careful and really mean it, because this line can be seen as that of the smooth-talking man, only interested in a quick one-night stand. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it, because nothing turns a woman off faster than an insincere man interested only in sex. Sincerity builds confidence. If you believe in what you say it makes it easier for others to follow along.
As you ask what she likes in the way of sex, go slowly; the more time you take, the more excitement you build up, and the more barriers you break down. Tantalize your partner with the possibility you can fulfill her wildest dreams and fantasies. Think of this as verbal foreplay because it is just that important to pleasing a woman.
Here are some verbal tips for you: give her plenty of physical, emotional and appreciative compliments in bed and make her feel like a queen. Don’t ever compare her to an old lover or criticize her body. Always let her know that she is a great lover and that you want to please her. These tips will help her to become less inhibited sexually and more adventurous with you. Taking the time to talk about her fantasies or desires can help you to make her feel good.
You might say things like, "You look so inviting sitting across the table from me" or "I love the admiration I see in your eyes right now.” Tell her all the little things that feel good or entice you, such as "I love your upturned nose, it’s such a turn-on" or "I get excited just touching your fingers.” Just be sure it is true or it will ring hollow. This positive feedback must not end when you hit the sack. Unfortunately, men tend towant to stop talking during and after love-making, but that is a big mistake. Feel free to ask that your needs be met; and listen to what your lover says as well. If she says something like, "I need to be held close after making love" or "I need you to stay overnight" then try to accommodate her, knowing that if you do so, you’ve taken a big step toward making a lasting relationship in which you will enjoy some dynamite sex as a byproduct in the future.
If your partner is reluctant to open up, ask questions that will help her open up. Some things may just take time while others need work. Take it upon yourself to ask what her deepest desires are, and how you can meet them. They could be exactly what you wanted to hear but you are afraid to say yourself. And if that first love-making session isn't everything you (or she) wanted, be sure you both learn in a positive way what turns you on, and what doesn't.
Once two people have connected in an intimate way, the relationship changes its course. Women feel more vulnerable after sex has entered into the picture. The union either grows stronger at this point, or interest in each other wanes. If you can talk and be more open with each other, the sexual intimacy goes to a deeper level and continues to improve.
This is an excerpt from <em>What Women Want in Bed</em> by Dr Ava Cadell. Visit The Loveology University Bookstore to find a wealth of resources, including e-books and audiobooks, to help you have a richer and more fulfilling sex life -- http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/BookStore.aspx?a_aid=sward