By Dr. Ava Cadell — Written on May 20, 2010
I thought it would be fun to look at some of the emotional, physical and sexual stages of a woman ranging from the most impressionable to the most enlightened and come up with some practical solutions to help empower her. Below are four categories to make it easy to differentiate, but of course there are women who fit into more than one category. Which do you identify with the most?
#1 The Impressionable Woman may be:
- Young
- Dating
- Newly wed
- High energy
- Ambitious
- New mom
- Unable to orgasm
- Sexually experimental
Your body should be in its peak and this is the time to start taking good care of it. I have an analogy that I like to use for our body and that is that this is the car we have been given on this planet so we better service it regularly. Whether you have a sleek sports car, a luxury sedan, compact, or a truck, it’s up to you to keep it running. Have regular check-ups, listen to your body, eat healthy, exercise, and enjoy sex and intimacy with someone who is worthy.
What you need to know:
Accept and love your body. There is no such thing as a "normal" size, shape, look, or style. It’s time to overcome any guilt or shame about feelings of sexual desires, dreams, fantasies, and arousal because these feelings and experiences are healthy, natural, and essential for a healthy and happy woman to thrive.
Learn about your own body inside and out. This includes knowing where your clitoris is, getting familiar with your monthly cycle and how secretions change, but most importantly how you respond to different types of sexual stimulation. In fact this applies to your entire body, so take the time to discover all of your erogenous zones because you are covered in “hot spots” from head to toe and there is no way that you can communicate your personal turn-ons to a lover if you haven’t discovered them for yourself.
Find out when and what makes you sexually aroused because the greater your awareness of your body, the more you’ll be able to enjoy it and the better it will work. In addition, if your future lover has not developed the skill to stimulate you to orgasm, you can show them how to do so or you can simply achieve an orgasm on your own. You won’t need to rely on or expect your lover to fulfill your sexual needs.
Always take responsibility for your own pleasure and orgasm, do not expect your lover to give it to you because sexual arousal begins between the ears and then it flows between the legs. So ladies, get into a juicy state of mind and you can sex yourself up anytime you want. If you have never experienced an orgasm, you may be suffering from gynecological, hormonal or even neurological disorders, but more commonly you could have a psychological block such as:
- Traumatic past sexual experience
- Fear of losing control of yourself
- Resentment towards your partner
- Feeling guilty about sex
- Fear of pregnancy
- Fear of intimacy
- Fear of failure
- Fear of rejection
- Ignorance about your bodies responses
- Lack of stimulation
- Low self-esteem and self-worth
- Being too inhibited
- Poor communication
- Unrealistic expectations
Always seek the help of a professional doctor or therapist if you are suffering from any kind of distress or disorder.
#2 The Professional Woman may be:
- Career minded
- Juggling marriage & career
- Mother with needy kids
- Daughter with needy mother
- Biological clock is ticking
- Enjoys mental stimulation
- Sophisticated and savvy buyer
- Wants to take sex to a higher level of intimacy
Today more than ever, women are highly respected and sought after in the world of business. Many women choose to have a successful career before embarking on motherhood while others focus on family. Either way, it’s a time in your life where you want to experience meaningful emotional and sexual relationships. That’s not to say a “quickie” can’t be satisfying but the deeper connection you can only get through mental stimulation is what turns a lot of professional women on. At this point in your life, you are more sexually confident, comfortable asking for what you want, and not afraid to go after it.
What you need to know:
If this sounds like you, then you probably have several roles including professional worker, housewife, mother, daughter, and lover just to name a few. That’s quite a balancing act so it’s important to keep your life in balance. It’s essential to do an inventory of the time you actually spend in different categories which include time with your family, work, social, personal relaxation, and intimate time with your lover. Sometimes it can become necessary to make an appointment for romance and sex. You must make it a priority in your life because you know you deserve it and in the end none of your accomplishments will mean as much as the loving memories that you have created. Even your kids will grow up, fall in love, and leave home.
Don’t get caught up in a common scenario where some women lose sexual desire after childbirth and never rekindle the passion they once had with their lover. Psychological problems can cause serious sexual dysfunctions in women; so for example, if a woman believes that being a mother does not constitute her being a sexual being, it could result in dyspareunia that causes chronic pain, exhaustion, and even interferes with the vascular and neurological systems. Always seek the help of a professional doctor or therapist if you are suffering from any kind of distress or disorder.
Make an effort to talk to your lover about what turns you on and off in specific areas such as kissing, touching, oral sex, masturbation, and intercourse because your lover cannot read your mind and your interaction can give great insight into your relationship.
#3 The Transitional Woman may be:
- In a mid-life crises
- Divorced
- Kids in school/college
- Starting a new career
- In her sexual peak
- Exhausted
- Menopausal
- Uninterested in sex
What better transition than finally finding peace of mind and tranquility. The kids are all grown up and you now have the time to rekindle the passion with your lover. Or maybe you are divorced and ready to reinvent your life and do the things you have only dreamt of. This is also a time of transition for your body so be prepared for an adjustment and celebrate the end of your monthly menstruation rather than dreading menopause. You are in your sexual peak whether you feel it or not so take advantage of those raging hormones and be adventurous by living out your fantasies. If you’re single, date men younger than yourself because their sexual peak is in their twenties and lots of men love the experience of a more mature woman.
What you need to know:
Menopause signifies a change in the brain that is translated to the pituitary gland which tells the ovaries that they are fired.
For a more scientific explanation, the output of FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and LH (luteining hormone) ends and the ovaries stop producing estrogen and progesterone. Menopausal symptoms include: hot flushes, irritability, weight gain or water retention, elevation or diminution of libido, and rapid mood swings.
Not all women go through dramatic menopausal symptoms but for those who do, there are a myriad of helpful options available from natural supplements like Femenessence to Estrogen rings and Testosterone patches which are only available with a prescription from your doctor. The fact is that Testosterone, the male sex hormone plays a big part in women's sexual desire, even though we have much smaller amounts than in men. In women, testosterone production is split evenly between the two ovaries and the adrenal gland and when testosterone levels are low, women’s libido diminishes.
Having said all that, these biological changes in women do not preclude sexual satisfaction so don’t panic. If you maintain a juicy state of mind, there is no reason why you can’t overcome any organic anatomical changes. A Transitional woman has been around and is well prepared with an arsenal of emergency supplies. So make sure you have plenty of lubricant before you need it, bring home some porn if you find it exciting, buy various sex toys to heat up the night, and throw away your inhibitions.
I have found that women in their forties are much more sexually confident than women in their younger years. At this age, you know what you want, like, and dislike. You have pretty much accepted yourself just the way you are and hopefully, you love and appreciate all your accomplishments big and small. You don’t want to have any regrets so you’re willing to try new things including making some of those fantasies a reality.
#4 The Enlightened Woman may be:
- Financially independent
- Looking to regain her youth
- Slowing down
- Going through bereavement
- Retired
- Wants information on estrogen-replacement therapy, supplemental testosterone, and use of a sexual enhancers and lubricants
- A grandmother
- Wise
The fact is that if you have been taking care of your health by going for regular pap and pelvic tests, your blood pressure and cholesterol tested, mammograms and colonoscopies, then your senior years should be just as enjoyable as your younger years. Even if your health is not perfect and you suffer from aches and pains, you’ll never lose your desire to give and receive love if you have a positive attitude. It’s the best prescription for a long, healthy and happy life.
If you are single, there are plenty of ways in which to pleasure yourself. Some women find it difficult to be sexual if they are widowed and feel guilty about even going out with a new person. Having sex with someone other than your late spouse can create uncomfortable feelings of betrayal. The importance is in learning to communicate in a way that will lead to your emotional and physical fulfillment because we all need to be loved and wanted, no matter what age we are.
Always seek the help of a professional doctor or therapist if you are suffering from any kind of distress or disorder.
What you need to know:
Here’s the good news. Among older women who are healthy, active and have regular sex, even if it’s just masturbation, sexual health continues past 74 years of age (AARP, 1999). And most women are able to have pleasurable sexual intercourse and to experience orgasm for their entire lives. So what if you need a little extra help with sexual enhancements. The good news is that there are some great products to help women have more comfortable, juicy sex like Zalera, a lubricant and stimulant in one formula.
Even with a decline in the production of estrogen, the vaginal walls becoming thin and inelastic, and less vaginal lubrication, the need for touch and intimacy is an essential component. The fact is that we crave touch from the moment we are born to the day we die. Even though we have noticeable loss in nerve fiber as we get older and decreased acuity in the sense of touch over the years, it appears our needs for tactile stimulation may actually increase.
Physiologically, touch supports the flow of blood and lymph. Touch can decrease blood pressure and heart rate. Touch can soothe nerves and enhance relaxation. Massage may aid the production of endorphins -- brain chemicals that kill pain naturally. Healing touch affirms self-esteem, creates trust and openness, and may catalyze the release of blocked emotions as tense muscles relax. Touch can help us feel valued, peaceful, and more aware of our body and being.
More for You:
Most couples will experience primary changes in their relationship. Be prepared to make changes in your communication and listening patterns so that they may lead to greater understanding of each other. Then you can deal with changes in your responsiveness and still maintain a happy and healthy sexual relationship that leaves you and your partner feeling satisfied.