3 Levels of Communication

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Once two people have connected in an intimate way, the relationship changes course.  We all feel more vulnerable after sex has entered into the picture.  The union either grows stronger at this point, or interest in each other wanes.  If you can talk and be more open with each other, the sexual intimacy goes to a deeper level and gets better and better.  But if you emotionally distance each other, the relationship can end.  For instance, if a man ceases to call a woman after they have had sex, she may feel used and abused.  It's better to tell her up front how you feel rather than leaving her thinking the worst of you.  And fellows, if your lady backs away after that first sexual experience, try gently drawing her out a little more.  Maybe the emotional intimacy is very strong and she may need reassurance.  The point is, you can bring each other more closely together with intimate language.

Level Three: Physical, Mental and Spiritual Communication.

 

This is the deepest form of communication.  At this level of your relationship, you are becoming attuned to each other's physical needs; you have that blissful mind-to-mind connection and you feel that soul-mate resonance.  But couples often revert to Level One at this point, because they've made the conquest or they're married by this point and don't feel a need to keep trying.  It is of extreme value at this level to keep investing in the relationship however.  It is imperative to set aside one hour of communication time each day, to keep current on each other's needs and to know each other more deeply. 

Don't take the relationship for granted just because you have secured each other.  Continue to do spontaneous little things for the one you love, and find out if he or she likes new adventures, new interests.  One couple I know were together for five years before they discovered they both liked roller-skating.  This added a new zest to their relationship, even to the point of making love in a motel near the roller rink and pretending they were teenagers being "naughty." You never know what surprises that one hour per day can bring you.  And it can really secure your everlasting love to you, more so than presuming everything is okay.  Your connection with each other will keep growing on all levels.

Moving beyond communication.  The way to move beyond communication is through more communication.  Then we no longer fear talking to each other.  It becomes as natural as breathing.  If we have feared rejection, intimacy, inadequacy, and been able to talk about these very common problems and deal with them, then more and better communication can't hurt.  It can only improve any situation.  Even if your partner tells you a little more than you wanted to know, that provides you with yet another topic for discussion.  Then you can clear the air and move on. To move beyond communication is to have mastered the nuances, at least to a point.  You know what basic facial expressions and body language mean, you acknowledge them, and above all you can talk about them.  Don't always try to second-guess each other's body-language cues; ask your partner if his or her nod means yes or no.  And, if you or your partner "clams up," you may learn to give each other a wide berth until the time is right to talk.  And if one of you needs to talk, one of you may need to listen.  Communication is ongoing foreplay that keeps you in everlasting love.

For more information on communication for couples, get my Passion Power program guaranteed to improve intimate communication, enhance intimacy, and expand your sexual horizon.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ava Cadell

Counselor/Therapist

Live to Love ~Dr. Ava Cadell

Personal Website: http://www.AvaCadell.com

Founder of Lovelogy University: http://www.LoveologyUniversity.com

My blog: htto://www.DrAvaBlog.com

Location: West Hollywood, CA
Credentials: EdD, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support, Sex Therapy
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