At First Blush...

I was conducting one of my He Speaks, She Speaks seminars on gender communication when a male participant began talking about the obvious biological differences between men and women, including their genitalia. I picked up the thread, and continued to discuss how genitals are one obvious marker of the differences. I was on my way to an elaboration on body size and how “big” men can get, meaning how much personal space they can take up. “Men have a tendency to get big,” I began. But the audience was still stuck on the idea of genitalia. Another male participant chimed in, “Yeah they get big. They better get big. Isn’t that what she wants?”

I blushed with embarrassment. I was center stage; there was no escaping. I took a deep breath and threw the hot potato back at the audience. “I know where your mind is,” I said, “but I’m not there.” And then I went on with the rest of my discussion, reminding myself that if I could bring the discussion back out of the gutter, my blush would disappear. Several times in my career, I’ve found myself in situations like this one that caused me to blush—usually when the discussion turns sexual. Although the blush is discomfiting, I also know that it makes me seem more human and approachable to my audience—it’s not necessarily a bad reaction.

Virtually everyone blushes at least once in a while, and research shows that women report a higher propensity for blushing than men. Indeed, social blushing is both a common emotional response and a communicative signal. The blood rushes to our faces when we’re self-conscious. And as if that weren’t bad enough, our red faces let others know exactly how we’re feeling. It’s a one-two punch.

Peter J. de Jong, a psychologist at Maastricht University in the Netherlands, explains that despite its frequency, the majority of people consider blushing highly undesirable, and they often try to stop or conceal it—though that’s impossible since blushing is a function of our autonomic nervous system. We have no control over this response. However, de Jong points out, “some individuals experience so much distress associated with blushing that they may develop a blushing phobia and apply for treatment.”

Why do people blush in the first place?

They are likely to redden if they violate social rules that they share with someone observing them.