"A true friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting next to you."
With the spoon stuck in the remains of the ice cream carton, you turn to the vodka she brought because wine just doesn't cut it when your heart is broken. She brought her PJ's too. Can you say "Bridesmaids marathon"?
Looking at the sky from the sidewalk, you knew that she was right. One too many cosmos. Maybe two. She got you home safely and even left aspirin and water on the bed side table. Oh look, a bucket too.
How many times has he looked over here? You are so grateful you listened to her and put on those other pants. Those first ones did make your as$ look huge!
Your BFF. Can't live without her.
Or can you?
This article got me thinking about my BFF, Dawn. She and I "broke up" too, for a while.
I don't know how long we didn't talk. It had been years. We didn't grow apart so much as changed direction abruptly. Different goals, different lifestyles, different dreams. Plus, different sides of the country! I got married and had a kid, she went to college and flew around the world. Different priorities changed our world view and our commonalities.
I was embarrassed. I didn't want to talk to her because I didn't want her to know that I was unhappy and that I suspected I made a terrible mistake (about my husband, not my son). I was envious, too. She was jetting all over and living an exciting life. I was home with an alcoholic husband and a baby.
We are very different people, we always were. The similarities are what held us together. Stubborn, silly, strong—and both of us over-achievers. Those similarities bound us in ways that allowed our differences to flourish.
Now that we're together again, we are brutally honest with each other. We tell each other painful truths. I wouldn't want it any other way. I recently had a fight with my boyfriend and called her. I told her my story, and she dug out my own stupidity. Then she told me to grow up and get over it! No stroking me to make me feel better. She gave it to me straight, told me to go home and fix it. I did. She was right.
We can go months without talking. Life gets busy and we are on opposite ends of the country, her in Florida, me in California. It doesn't change the fact that she is the keeper of my secrets, and I of hers.
Secret-keeping created a level of trust that no other relationship can match. How many people in your life have you been completely vulnerable with, consistently? How many have seen the ugly, broken, fearful parts of you and still loved you unconditionally? More importantly, still liked you?
Losing Dawn, all those years ago, was cataclysmic. It shook me to the core. She had been my secret keeper and I was adrift without one. It hurt worse than any romantic break up. Although the years of our break up were long, our getting back together was sweet. She is my BFF, and I don't have to miss her anymore!
The friends between then and now have been good friends, but they weren't her. I never felt that level of connection with anyone else like I have with her. We have grown in different directions, but somehow our bond is as strong as ever.
So often we are too fearful to share some secrets with a boyfriend, afraid that we will do or say something to make him change his mind about us. Like watching us in the bathroom—you can never unsee certain things! My BFF is the only person I have ever changed a tampon in front of. Lucky for me, she is still my friend!