Have you ever wondered why that new love euphoria doesn’t ever seem to last? So many of us mistake this for the end of the relationship.
“I fell out of love.”
“The chemistry went away.”
But it turns out that chemistry between two people is more than just a metaphor, and neuroscience suggests that the brain chemicals that bond us naturally dip over time as we develop a tolerance to them. In other words, the loss of that initial excitement is the result of normal brain chemistry and is not a sign of a problem in the relationship.
When we fall in love, that high we feel is triggered by a chemical in our brains called dopamine, which is what drives us to seek excitement and pleasure and which in turn increases our levels of serotonin, a hormone that produces euphoric feelings.
After about the first year, as we develop a tolerance to dopamine, another chemical, oxytocin, increases, helping us to bond more deeply and feel connected to each other. The more we communicate with each other, the more we increase this hormone, helping us to strengthen our relationship once the romance has reached a natural plateau.
But many women and men who are dating again after divorce or loss don’t want to risk sticking around once the initial excitement levels out. We feel anxious about choosing the wrong person (again) and running out of time to find our soul mate, the true love that we’ve been looking for all our lives. We mistakenly believe that once we find that person, the romance will last and we’ll finally be happy. But even with your perfect match, you will have to relight the fire after the dopamine levels drop.
So what can you do to get the chemistry back—or going—with a man?
Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dr. Michael Roizen discuss in their latest video on Oprah.com what science has to say about prolonging and renewing love and desire.
• Reinvent your relationship by getting out of your comfort zones: Travel somewhere new, try a new hobby together, make new friends who will bring out new aspects of each other.
• Have sex more often: Women who enjoy sex live longer, and men who have sex three times a week can decrease their risk of heart attack by 50%. Even increasing sex to once a week, according to Drs. Roizen and Oz, is the happiness equivalent of $50,000!
• Fuel your desire with food: apples for sweet breath; bananas to increase sexual desire; celery for a hormone (also released by male sweat) that turns women on; garlic to increase blood flow to sexual organs; and wild yams to heighten genital sensitivity—just for starters.
And of course, once those dopamine levels are up again, don’t let the pounding of your heart drown out what he has to say. Listen and communicate with him to increase the oxytocin that turns an exciting, romantic relationship into a meaningful love that lasts.
To Watch the Dr Oz Video Click Here