Women and intimacy. Those two words go hand in hand much like peanut butter and jelly, or hot dog and bun. If intimacy were a street, it would be the address where women would collectively live. The craving for intimacy is a longstanding need for women, even as much, or even more than the need for chocolate! As a matter of fact, women crave chocolate, because it send sends the same chemical message in our brains as being in love. Of course, the main component of being in love, is the state of intimacy, and the glow of belonging.
Having said all of this, women can be their own worse enemies when it comes to intimacy. Imagine that! The thing that they need the most can be the thing that they unwittingly drive away from themselves. How can this be? The reason is that there can be several factors or behaviors that can take a hot guy and a hot new situation, and make them both run ice cold. Here’s a look a five things that are intimacy killers.
1. Talking About Personal Issues Too Soon: The thing about women is that they bond by talking. Women love spilling out their feelings and emotions. A lot! This is how women are designed, and this is how they bond to each other. So it’s not a big stretch that they might feel like talking about deep personal issues with a new guy is a sign of trust, comfort and bonding. What they don’t realize is that while there might be a time and place to reveal about personal issues and trauma, the first few dates is NOT that time. Men are designed differently then men. They have bonding rituals, but talking about their deep dark secrets isn’t how they go about things. This kind of talk actually freaks them out! Even if the relationship has progressed, and he’s earned trust enough to share deep stuff with him, he doesn’t want to hear it all the time. It’s not personal, he’s just not designed to tune in to emotional drama.
2. Overanalyzing Everything, Or Being Too Defensive: “What do you mean by that?!?” That’s a phrase that all women have uttered to a man probably just as much as they’ve recited their names! While it’s true that sometimes a man couches what he means behind subtleties, sometimes he means exactly what he says. And because men are human, sometimes they do stick their foot in their mouths! The smart woman will understand this, and if it’s not too drastic, she’ll let an occasional comment slide with his dignity intact.
3. Making Him Responsible For Feeling Secure: If you are that woman that asks a guy if you look too fat, if you’re too short, too this, not enough of that, you can be sure that anything exciting that he saw in you is out the window! The sad thing about women is that they can have this fantasy about their man being their friend, lover, brother, father, shrink, etc. A man in the romantic sense is just that; he’s in it for romance, and that’s it. Yes, there is friendship in romance. But friendship with a man you are involved with doesn’t mean to start unloading your baggage.