How do you measure the success of your dates? Do you strive for each date to be better than the last? Or do your dates fall short if they don’t meet an ideal you’ve created based on how you believe other women date, or the quality of “good” available men.
In other words, are you focused on improving yourself, your communication, your ability to connect more meaningfully with men? Or are you focused on achieving more dates than other single women? More men asking you out? The kind of sweep-you-off-your-feet dates you imagine other single women have?
A recent study in Current Directions in Psychological Science suggests that the focus of your goals can dramatically alter your relationships. The more you focus on self-improvement, comparing yourself and your dates to your own experiences instead of others’, the more genuine your connections will be, and the more you will experience a sense of cooperation with the men you date—a feeling of, “We’re in this whole dating thing together, so let’s enjoy ourselves” rather than a sense of constant judgment of whether the date is living up to your often unrealistic expectations. Unless of course this guy in the video is your date.
Email me anytime at firstname.lastname@example.org and ask me questions so I can help you in this area.
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