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And they only got worse from there.
Dating over 40 was nothing like dating at 20. She was so keenly aware of her inexperience with men that she started every date almost too nervous to speak. Her date would ask her an ordinary question, such as what kind of music did she like, and she would squeak out, “I don’t know” or a wishy-washy “all kinds—what do you like?”
At first, she didn’t leave a bad impression. She didn’t leave any impression at all.
Worry about her nervousness just made it more difficult to handle, and she became even more ill at ease and awkward. She was so focused on trying to say something interesting that she didn’t even hear half of what her dates were saying. Needless to say, she didn’t get any second dates.
And the worst part? She knew what she was doing and yet she couldn’t seem to stop herself from doing it.
Jennifer’s experience is not unique. Many (most?) women get first date jitters, even women who aren’t shy in other situations. Men often make matters worse by seeming aloof or by being so nervous themselves that both people are tense, focused more on their own fears than on each other. The date leaves them with a sense of disappointment—in themselves for not being who they wanted to be on their date, but also, subconsciously, in their date for not helping them to relax and really connect.
Most women fully realize that their own insecurities are sabotaging their dates yet, like Jennifer, they feel powerless to stop it.
Knowing what the problem is isn’t enough. You have to know what to do about it. And then you have to act.
Being comfortable on a date isn’t a character trait that some women have and some don’t. It’s a skill. You can learn it, practice it, perfect it, and not only be completely at ease on your dates but put your dates at ease as well.
Once Jennifer learned how to make her dates feel relaxed with her, she found herself relaxing as well. The more comfortable she became, the more her dates would let their guards down.
Even when she and the man realized they didn’t share a special connection, they had a remarkably good time getting to know each other and, in many cases, developed a lasting friendship.
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Soon it became second nature to focus first on making people comfortable before she worried about anything else. People in general—not just her dates—felt so good about themselves when they were around her that they sought her company. She ended up having such an active social life that she decided to take her time finding that special someone. For the first time in her life, she could simply sit back, relax, and enjoy the company of men.
Want to find out more about the art of making yourself and others comfortable? Click here to check out the Creating Irresistible Connections™ audio “From Uncomfortable to Comfortable in 5 Minutes.”