While answering questions on my FB posts this week, a woman Amber commented, “My children need a father. I don’t want to date another guy, I need a husband!” All I could say is I GET IT! I completely agree that obtaining a love connection is the game changer but dating specifically for a husband is absolutely a turn off. The only caveat is if you’re on a dating site that’s strictly designed for marriage.
Amber’s comment peaked my curiosity. Based on the amount of comments it generated, it appears most single women date marriage in mind. The problem, it’s not working!
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Many of my past and current male clients have insinuated that many of the women that they date are looking for husbands only. They feel rushed through the dating process like a “Jiffy Lube” oil change and when they attempt to pump the breaks and slow down this seemingly out of control rollercoaster, they are seen as “noncommittal.” They think that women are only looking for one thing…Marriage! It appears by the comments they’re not wrong.
I know why. I see it time and time again, women communicate deeper and excel at the complexities of a relationship. All relationships. What woman doesn’t know more about you within the first 12 hours of meeting you than any man in a months time?
Women love to love. We love to get in there and figure you out, share our thoughts, opinions and emotions. It’s our nature. Therefore, we have a tendency to sometimes rush through the preliminaries in an effort to get to the finish line where all our natural abilities shine.
Women can sometimes be over eager to show a man their true worth, their best stuff! Many times this approach is implemented unconsciously. Women just want to put their best foot forward as soon as possible. Cut out the crap and get to the good stuff ASAP. Do what we do best!
Unfortunately, sometimes the world and men in particular see our gifts as misguided at best. We look clingy or needy instead of skilled and giving.
So how do we get to the good stuff right away and not look like a class 5 clinger?
Creating a mindset that allows for fun and freedom.
Dating should always start with a way to enjoy people and get to know yourself, your preferences and enjoy the company of a man. In order to have successful dating experiences, dating should be viewed as an opportunity to be whatever and whoever you want for an hour or two.
If you’re viewing dating as drudgery or worse yet, husband auditions, you will be continually disappointed. Focus on having a great time and you won’t go wrong.
Dating is a treat that’s best when enjoyed by two.
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