Years ago there was a very attractive woman on a talk show that was discussing the many men she was dating. She was pitted up against a group of women that found her to be somewhat of a “tart” since she was actively dating more than one man at a time. This woman appeared to be confident, sexy, and spoke highly of the men she was dating. In fact, she even said that she didn’t have sex with all of the men. She was simply enjoying the opportunity to date, to meet new people, and to have new experiences.
So what was it about this woman that allowed her the freedom and opportunity to meet so many men? What was it about her that had men lining up and coming back to her again and again? She wasn’t sleeping with all of them, so it wasn’t just about sex. Although she was very attractive and sexual, nothing that came from her lips suggested that she was trashy or loose. In fact, she was a successful business woman – in a respectable business.
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Remembering that episode, it strikes me that this woman was very in touch with who she was. She was confident. She was classy. And yes, she was sexy.
When you are thrown back into the dating world after being in a long term relationship, it can be a little frightening. Perhaps the person you were with died, maybe you experienced a nasty breakup, or maybe you are coming out of a divorce. No matter what brought you here the fact is that you may have been out of the dating scene for a number of years and the thought of jumping back in simply turns your stomach.
All those insecurities that you felt at your junior high school dance come flooding back. There you are, standing in the corner, hoping and praying that the guy you really have a crush on will walk up and ask you to dance. And, if you’re really lucky it will be a slow dance.
But wait, you’re not in junior high anymore. You are a grown woman with a career, a family, a different body (for better or worse) and a whole new set of experiences. How can you reconcile the woman that you have become with the insecure teenager that lurks within? How can you step out of the protective, predictable shell that has been your life for what could be decades, and re-invent your future?
The whole thought of beginning to date again can be frightening. But, it can be exciting too. The key is to discover your confidence and understand that you have something that other people want to be around. What that is, what draws people to you, will be different for every person.
You can become that woman that men flock to. You can be confident, sexy, and powerful in the eyes of other people. And, you can be all those things to yourself too. Understanding that your confidence is the key to being and feeling sexy will open up a whole new future for you. Finding that confidence is a journey of discovery; one that you do not have to take on your own.
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