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“Don’t we have a good relationship?” I asked Robert one cold morning. I was having difficulty eating my breakfast. “Why do we get in arguments like this? Should we get counseling?”
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We had been in a slump for weeks, and I couldn’t figure out what to do. Our sex life had fallen way off. This didn’t make any sense for people in their early 30’s. At first I reached for him at night, snuggling against his chest. Sometimes I reached for his penis. He moved away from me every time.
One night I tried to start the new position we had had fun with. He was lying on his back, and I climbed on top facing away from him. I rubbed his soft penis against my vagina, trying to push it in, but it didn’t get very hard. Finally I rolled away from him sobbing. He didn’t respond.
“Robert, do you still love me?” I hadn’t wanted to ask, but I had to know. I couldn’t go on like this.
“Of course I love you,” he said. His voice was flat. He wasn’t believable.
“Is there someone else?” I had to ask this too.
He didn’t say anything.
Oh, no. This was it. He was with someone else. That’s why he lost interest in sex with me. And why he argued over nothing. We had been together for six years, living in a house we bought together. We were almost married. He had finished his masters in engineering just before we met, and I had been working as a counselor for a year. We were both feeling good about our lives, and that it was time to get serious about a relationship. I thought we were it.
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And the sex. It had always been good. And then we started talking about it and it got even better. We talked in bed. We talked over dinner. I was stunned to learn that I could feel embarrassed and that it would pass. It only took three times of telling him what I liked in oral sex before I had no discomfort at all. I could tell him that I really liked sucking him. That the feeling of his penis skin in my mouth was so pleasurable. Of course his acceptance and wanting to hear what I said made it easier. The last year of love making had been so great, I thought we should write the book. We were the success story.
Then weeks ago things changed. I thought it was the added stress in his job. I wondered if he was unhappy with his life. Next came wondering if aging made me less attractive. I didn’t want to consider that there was someone else.