Replacing "Dirty Talk" With "Clean Talk"

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Replacing "Dirty Talk" With "Clean Talk"
Sex Ed With Sharon And Robert: A novel, Chapter Two

Want to learn about healthy sex through the lives of fictional characters? Join me in my Transformational Fiction approach to learning how to heal sexual issues in your relationship or on your own. Here’s a sample. Then go to www.annestirlinghastings.com/yourtango for lots more.

Once Robert and I got started talking in bed, it was amazing to see how effective it was. I would never have guessed that stopping sex and talking about my feelings would make it better. I had focused on getting aroused, increasing the arousal, and going to that incredible place that leads to orgasm. I thought that was it.

 

But after we read Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised, we decided to try talking to see what would happen. The author gave us instructions.

We were surprised at how hard it was to get started. We thought that everyone talked about sex. But, no. People don’t “talk clean.” They don’t talk about what they do in bed, what they like and want to change. And they really don’t talk about emotions.

I noticed that I was thinking about “them.” Not me.

Who would have thought that having some fear, and letting it come without trying to stop it, would actually improve my arousal? That’s just crazy, isn’t it? But it wasn’t.

One time I asked him about my body. I thought I was a little too fat. Love handles and flabby inner thighs. They must be a turn off. Maybe he imagined I looked different so he could perform.

So I asked.

“Babe,” I said after pulling him away from my crotch. “I have a question.”

Robert looked up, smiling, and stretched himself out perpendicular to me with his head on my pubic area.

“What do you think of my body?” I started. “I mean, really, not what you’re suppose to say, not the flattering things men say when aroused and they want you.”

“Other men?” he said laughing. “Sharon, you’re going to compare me to other men?” He was trying to help me get through my discomfort.

“I sometimes want to turn off the light so you can’t see me,” I said. “I hope you’ll be okay with me in the dark.” (www.AnneStirlingHastings.com has free short stories & inexpensive novels)

Robert sat up and looked right at me. This was serious.

“Sharon,” he began. “I love your body. Because I love you. I don’t need you to be different.”

“Oh. Good. But I don’t have the kind of body that porn stars have, or even a lot of women showing themselves off at the coffee shop.”

I appreciated that he took time to think about what he would say next.

“Well, yes, your body isn’t like porn stars. If I wanted to get aroused by looking at a hot body, it wouldn’t be yours.”

That hurt. I already knew it, but still it hurt.

(www.AnneStirlingHastings.com offers the rest of this novel)

Article contributed by

Anne Stirling Hastings

Psychologist

Anne Stirling Hasting, Ph.D. Go to my website for free short stories and healing novels for sale.  Explore continuing education on Working With Clients' Sexual Issues. Please check out my book, Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised to learn how to heal sexuality. Then Healing Humanity to understand shaming, and how to stop taking it on. Create New Love puts it all together to prepare you for your next relationship. Kindle loans Dirty Sex or Clean Sex, a novel, and it's companion, Bring Love and Sex Together The Value of Healing Sexual Shame. Check out Video Conferencing therapy groups for Men's Sexuality, and Avoidant Attachment.

Location: Camarillo, CA
Credentials: PhD
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