You know those mornings when things just aren’t right, when you may have had a bad dream but don’t remember it? You’re grumpy, you don’t want to go about your day, or you even feel full-on depressed. Maybe you’re laden with fear and anxiety. 

Your actual day may not be ideal, but to have intense negative emotions – or the absence of any at all – is actually not about the present. I made a podcast called “Waking up on the Wrong Side of the Bed.”

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You don’t have to just suffer through such a day. Instead, you can use it to heal from past experiences that set you up for it. In fact,


We are taught to think that most people around us are having good days. Or if they aren’t it’s because of someone or something else. In truth, every one of us has bad days that have nothing to do with what is going on in the present. Yes, every one of us! Wouldn’t it be better if we all shared our bad days – not to bring others down but just to be transparent, to be seen by people important to us?

A little background information: Our childhood traumas, deprivations, and emotional abuses are recorded in our brains. The way we handled these influences remains in our brains, too. (Create New Love: How Men and Women can Prepare for a Lasting Relationship goes into this in more detail.) Our “memory” makes us believe that what happened then is still happening now, and so we have the corresponding emotions.

When we wake up in the morning with these old feelings, what can we do?

If you know that an empty sense of meaninglessness, or a frightened-of-the-world feeling, or rage at everyone around you, or the desire for a drink or drug to change the feeling is not about your present life, then you can examine it for what it is.

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If you have been to psychotherapy (most of you have, you just don’t talk about it) you are familiar with examining how you handled childhood neglect in order to see what is causing your difficulties now. If you hid in your room, today you may want to be alone. If you were praised for being good in school, you may focus on doing well in your work to offset a sense of emptiness or isolation or loneliness.

Now you can take those emotions that emerge unbidden and study them! They are a source of information that can lead to healing from those past experiences. You can grieve them out as you would grieve for the loss of someone close to you. Your childhood is no longer true. Those abuses and neglect no longer exist. Your brain is wrong now. You can teach your brain what is in the past and what is true today.

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Anne Stirling Hastings


Anne Stirling Hasting, Ph.D. Go to my website for free short stories and healing novels for sale.  Explore continuing education on Working With Clients' Sexual Issues. Please check out my book, Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised to learn how to heal sexuality. Then Healing Humanity to understand shaming, and how to stop taking it on. Create New Love puts it all together to prepare you for your next relationship. Kindle loans Dirty Sex or Clean Sex, a novel, and it's companion, Bring Love and Sex Together The Value of Healing Sexual Shame. Check out Video Conferencing therapy groups for Men's Sexuality, and Avoidant Attachment.

Location: Camarillo, CA
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Anne Stirling Hastings:

Healing Avoidant Attachment Style of Loving


Below is an excerpt from my novel coming soon on the healing of Avoidant Attachment. My book on Kindle, Create New Love, teaches how to evaluate our attachment style and that of a date in order to match up. This novel looks at what happens when one partner changes her style. I thought I was just different until I happened on to a book called Attached. I was ... Read more

It's Not Sex: What Men Are Really Looking For On Cheating Sites


As a psychologist specializing in sexuality and relationships, I went on the "cheating" dating site Ashley Madison while gathering information for my eBook on online dating. What an education! Starting 12 years ago, this website kicked off a boom of dating sites for married people. The success of such a service makes a lot of sense because sites ... Read more

Addiction To Love And Romance: When He Didn't Call


Please join me for Transformational Fiction, stories and novels in which I walk characters through all of these difficult love relationship and sexual issues. Only these characters learn to talk and to resolve what is going on. You get to be the fly on the wall as you see how they heal, and how you might, too. Bring Love and Sex Together, The Value of Healing ... Read more

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