Let’s start with the assumption that we are monogamously bonding creatures. Make the relationship feel safe to both of you. My book Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised will give you information about how to do this. You can make sure you don’t trigger this fear in your new love. If you avoid looking at attractive people, don’t flirt with others, and pull away from people you use to do this with, you will create a safe, secure love foundation.
FIVE: ACCEPT THE IRRATIONAL EMOTIONS, TOO
Be sure to tell each other when you have emotions toward the other, even if you know they aren’t rational. When he talks for an hour with an ex who you know he hates, and you feel jealous, tell him! You can say, “I know you aren’t interested in her, but I am jealous anyway. I’m sorry for feeling that way and seeming to not trust you, but this is the emotion I am having.”
When your partner admits to an emotion, listen with compassion. You know you haven’t done anything wrong, but yet she is seeming to accuse you. If you remember that all kinds of emotions appear when falling in love, you will know that she just loves you! So what if her feelings don’t make sense. You could thank her for feeling jealous, and wanting you all to herself.
REMEMBER, EVERYONE WILL OVERREACT WHEN IN LOVE
Establishing rules, and shaming each other for not following them, will harm the relationship. Understanding the other person’s emotional reactions will open doors to helping each other feel safe, protected and trusting. Isn’t that just perfect?
Transformational Fiction is my new teaching genre. You can be entertained and informed as they fly on the wall in the bedrooms of couples struggling with sexual and other issues. Please come to my site for free stories and chapters.