Should you continue to date someone if you are feeling no butterflies in your stomach or attraction? This is a complicated question and one that is worth taking time to study. Look at your previous attractions and see if the people you dated were good for you or lowered your self-esteem. Just because you are have high chemistry with someone doesn’t mean that it will be long-lasting relationship good for you. Similar to sweets, we may love to load up on them but are they nourishing us?
Qualities Might Be More Important Than Chemistry
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Often we may prefer someone w are excited about phsycially who may not treat us with respect and kindness. Don’t just go for the shallow and surface but examine in-depth what the person’s qualities are. How does he treat you? How does he treat your kids (if you have any). Can you talk about personal matters easily? Do you feel comfortable with the person or do you feel you have to always perform and measure up to a certain standard? Look at the values that are the most important to you and see if they are fulfilled in the relationship or not.
Is there no chemistry because you are still having strong feelings for someone in your past and you keep that relationship as the model? Each person is unique and to use another person as the archetype will create problems for your future relationships. We have lots of sides to ourselves and different people can draw these out. Recently my client told me that she liked her new date because whenever they rent a movie and if they both missed a part on the DVD, he would rewind it so they both could hear it. Her ex-husband would never rewind the movie but would tell her that the part wasn’t important. Sometimes little touches like that make a relationship very special.
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If there are a lot of positives, don’t rule the person out. Friendships can mature into romance. However, if there are several things about the person that you know would completely frustrate you in a living situation then the minuses outweigh the positives. Maybe you aren’t feeling a lot of negatives, but just a ‘no attraction’ reaction. Keep an open mind. No attraction is different than repulsion! Obviously if the person has many habits that make you cringe then this will not be a good match despite the good qualities you may notice.
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