Don't rely on this age-old game to land a boyfriend. Here's why it's likely to backfire.
[Contributed by: Most Brave Girl]
It seems like a good tactic to gauge interest level, but playing hard to get can be tricky. Look at the semantics: it is a game that you play, and most guys are not interested in playing games.
Why You Think It Works
There is no question that guys love to chase girls, and playing hard to get can give a girl the façade of alluring confidence. But you can arouse that same fascination in a man a different way. Produce the same result not by playing hard to get, but by being hard to get. Instead of pretending to have less time and interest to commit to a budding relationship, have an independent life. Skip the games and just stay busy with your hobbies, work and social life so that you are less available. Isn’t it more interesting to ignore his phone call or delay returning his text because you were actually at yoga class instead of just pretending to be there? Fabricating a busier life in order to capture his attention won’t work in the long run. Activities and interests make for good conversation and a captivating woman. Phoniness does not. You shouldn’t have to manufacture intrigue about yourself when you already have a lot to offer that is intriguing enough.
What Guys Think
While you’re banking on this strategy to pique his curiosity, you’re actually risking a lot. The man that you’re forcing to chase you might think that you’re emotionally unavailable, you’re afraid to be vulnerable, you’re leading him on, you have low self-esteem, you’re hiding something or you’re at a weird place in your life where you’re not ready for a relationship. Don’t be difficult for the sake of being difficult. Dishonesty isn’t the best foundation for a solid relationship.
If You Choose To Ignore What I Just Said
If you insist on playing hard to get, make sure to employ some tact:
- Read the guy: Lots of guys simply have no patience for games and/or already feel like ALL girls are playing hard to get just by being themselves. Their girly, mysterious, confusing selves.
- Make sure you have at least superficially plausible reasons for evading his advances. When you say “Oh sorry, I didn’t call you back for 10 days because my car broke down,” you are being dishonest, which is a huge turn-off.
- Don’t take it to extremes. The longer you try to be elusive, the more it seems like you’re laying a long con (and you might leave the impression that you do this all the time).
No But Seriously
Do you really want to catch the guy who might only be interested because he likes the challenge? Letting him chase you a little bit is fun for both of you, but the lasting appeal that comes from being honest about your feelings will always trump the fleeting thrill of a risky game.
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This article was originally published at Nouveau Dating . Reprinted with permission from the author.