I didn’t start out a SAFI (strong and fiercely independent woman). I’ve had to be the strong one, the decision maker and the nurturer of others for so long; I didn’t think that the life that I currently live was possible for me.
In order to attract into my life the quality of love that I wanted,I had to make a conscious effort to let go of my past disappointments and get in touch with what was truly important to me. I had to identify whether or not I was the reason why I didn’t have the love that I so desperately needed.So I set out to learn all that I could about relationships, my feelings and how to combine the two so that I could create the quality of love that I wanted.
I have always been an overachiever. If I was going to walk down the road of introspection…it would be totally barefoot and naked. So I plunged head first into a degree program that was sure to test my faith and rattle my feathers…Metaphysics.It was the hardest challenge I had ever embarked upon. Little did I know that the hardest thing about the entire process was learning to let go and allow love into my life.
There were days when I felt like my fear, anxieties and pain would literally stop my heart from beating. As a single mother, a strong and fiercely independent woman,these emotions were too difficult to deal with so I learned how to push my feelings way down deep inside. If I didn’t allow myself to connect completely to another person then I could save myself from getting hurt. Man was I wrong!!!
Since failure is never an option, I pushed through the pain and the memories, uncovered the blocks to attracting and allowing the love I’ve always wanted into my life. I was often torn between wanting the love and actually being open to receiving it. I misread signals. I made a ton of mistakes.I imagined love where there was none. I trusted individuals that I shouldn’t have and I blamed others for the fact that I couldn’t or shall I say wouldn’t open my heart.
Then after a long hard road, days and nights of working through the memories, the pain, and most of all the fear of being vulnerable…I got it. I understood what was standing in the way. I learned how to connect with another from my “heart space” and I began to replace the painful memories with moments of thanks for all good things in my life. The more I showed gratitude,the more good things I received to be thankful for!
So, how do I stay connected in this way? When I awake in the morning, I give thanks for the new me, the new found understanding of relationships and the ability to not only give love to the person that brings me great happiness but to also receive love. The strong and fiercely independent woman is still there, only she’s learned how to open up her heart enough to allow someone else in…the right someone.