There is a way to attract the right man for you so that he is entirely devoted to you and only you.
What if you are feeling stuck in your love life - where it seems like there is no way you could meet another, better man, and the one you are with is always disappearing emotionally or physically no matter how much you love him - I have news for you.
You just do not have to go through the pain and frustration you are enduring right now.
Because even though you know what is happening, even though you know you are not happy, even though you KNOW your man is not doing the job, even though you have made so many changes and worked so hard for the relationship - it can be incredibly frustrating how HARD it is to find a way out of the pain and frustration?
I know personally what it feels like to feel stuck.
And even though the simplest, most obvious thing is to "take care of yourself," it is as though the thing you instinctively do is beat yourself up.
CAN YOU RELATE TO THIS?
Here is a e mail from Leslie one of my readers of "Intimate Communion Magazine," who lives in a small town and feels totally stuck and without options.
It is a great situation for me to pull apart, because so many of you who live in BIG cities (and yes those who live in the countryside too feel stuck also) - so I know my answer will help you, too.
I'd like, first, to thank you for all your great advice. I am currently breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years because he's not only toxic, but totally unwilling to commit. He says he loves me and wants a life with me but prefers to spend all his free time drinking with his friends. He's almost 10 years younger than me, has cheated on me, is getting over a drug addiction, and is just plain dishonest. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? I know I deserve so much more but can't seem to stop crying and move forward.
In most of your articles, you suggest social courting as many men as possible and it sounds like great advice, except that I live in a ridiculously small town where the majority of the men (there aren't a great deal around, anyway) I would choose to meet and probably hang out together.
I know it's just meeting up but it seems as if it would be pretty awkward to run into last night's date with a new one and have them want to join us. OR I have to run into him with his dates. He, of course, got right out there and that hurts a lot. I'm a good-looking, smart, funny, almost 40, woman with so much to offer. I don't think I should lock myself in the house just to avoid sticky situations, but I don't know how to deal with such close quarters. I'm standing firm on the break-up and have denied the offer of being "just friends" - no "crumbs", right? I feel strong in my conviction but want to stop feeling so crappy and depressed all the time.
Sorry this is so long.
Thank you for all your help already."
I needed to understand more of her situation, so when I replied to her e mail, I asked Leslie some questions...
Thank you for your message and writing to me, and I wanted to answer you personally and ask you a question. Is your small town anywhere near a bigger one?
Or near a city?
How important is it that you live in this small town?
What do you do for a living, and could you just up and change your WHOLE life - move, get a new job, all that?
I know this will probably blow your mind, that you could actually DO that, and I know of women who do that all the time.
Please consider, even if you have children, the possibilities.
Now, if you are even anywhere near a larger city, you can go to Match.com and get meet ups with men that way. I would steer clear of meeting up with the local boys, except for this.
The thing that usually happens in your situation is that there is a man around who is sweet on you but has never gotten up the courage to approach you.
Can you think if there is such a man?
Perhaps not flashy, and steady?
If so, spend time where HE spends time.
Be sweet and work at being vulnerable no matter what.
Let me know what you think of these suggestions. I would like to write about your situation - I think it would help many women, and I would like to know more about what it is like in your shoes.
Leslie wrote back to me saying...
Thanks for writing back. I, too, think my situation can help others. In answer to your questions....I live 2 or 3 hours away from a couple of cities. I don't plan on staying here forever and have thought I might pick up and go somewhere else immediately to escape this painful break up. What is holding me here is...
1) I'm in the process of fixing up an old house and need to finish up and get properly financed so that I can finally own my own home. Then, when, and if, I relocate I have something to sell or rent out.
2) I have a lot of support from extended family and friends, which is hard to leave.
3) I am really far in debt and living hand to mouth, which doesn't allow financing a relocation.
4) I feel as if I shouldn't have to leave town just because some loser made me feel bad.
There are a few men here that would love to date me, but I'm a little shell-shocked from this last one. I'm having difficulty trusting my own judgement in the "man" dept., and most of them are either considerably younger or older than me. I feel weird about online dating!
I'm trying to occupy my time with friends and work. I started going to the gym again and taking care of myself, but I can't stop being fixated on him and proving to him that he's losing something great. It's been over a month since I asked him to leave but I still feel like I've been kicked when anyone mentions his new girl. I'm seeing 2 therapists and I'm trying to take steps to build my beaten down self-esteem and do things for me and me alone but still feel like I'm losing it a little. Help!! :)
Thanks so much, "
My reply back to Leslie...
Thank you for getting back to me.
Here's my advice...
Being with men is like riding a bicycle or a horse.
When you fall down, you have to get right up and get back on and ride, otherwise you will develop fear.
I have seen women hibernate for years and years because they did not get up on that courting bicycle again.
I know it was hard for myself for 2 years, (going ack 20 years for myself here) and when I went back to social courting I was just as stupid as I was when I broke up 2 years back - I had made significant strides in my personal self, and with women I had not learned a thing.
Which I soon put right.
I would love you to take advantage of the 2 therapists you have (and me, too), so you know you are not going to fall down again, and if you do, we will all help you get back up again.
Being with men and using my tools and methods from my Dynamic Life Development System is like learning a foreign language.
It is about having experiences, - just a 45 minute coffee date or walk in the park - where you practice feeling messages and being exactly as you are, with a man.
Yes, it is scary.
It is about leaping off into the unknown and trying new things - experimenting.
It is learning "in-the-field."
In the "wild" which is the BEST form of learning.
Your home situation reminds me of the book "Under the Tuscan Sun" (a true story), where the heroine, despairing after the cruel breakup of her long marriage, impulsively buys a house in a tiny town in Italy and focuses entirely on renovating it.
She never seems to have time to get to the big city to meet a man, and spends her time with the workman and tending her gardens.
After some time passes and the house is finished, suddenly a young man shows up out of nowhere, and of course...he becomes the love of her life!
And I do not recommend that path, holing up and hoping your prince will show up.
The only way to truly learn how to be yourself with men - to get comfortable and learn to trust yourself - is to DO it.
Now, Leslie, finding a way to make a good living would be number one on your priority list - this is what will build your self-esteem and confidence to help you feel independent and powerful.
If you would like to work with me in my Dynamic Life Developemnt and learn all the many ways you can get to meet men and shift out the "time wasters" through "Social Courting", then please do contact me and we can work together to not only re-build your self-confidence, and also for you to attract a great man.
Let me know how this works for you...
If you are feeling "stuck" in your life and finding it hard to move on.
Then "Contact" me and we can work together and get your life moving again.
Building your "Self-Confidence" so you can build the Life and attract the Love you deserve.
You really can change EVERYTHING In Love and Life!
As always, leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.
Average men and women know only the rules.
Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!
For Love, Passion and Intimacy...
Would you like to know more of how social courting, relationship, sex and intimacy coaching can help you?
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Ange Fonce International Coach And Author
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