A 7 tip guide to creating an Un-happy life for yourself so You do it right every time!
Recently I had a chance to catch up with some people I had not seen in a really long time.
Many of them had achieved what they set out to do when we were teenagers.
But there were a few who were still struggling - you know - they were trying to figure things out but could not understand why things had not improved for them.
I explained to them that things do not get better - you have to make them better.
Nothing changes for you overnight except the passage of time - which has it's own side effects.
One thing I noticed they shared in common - these past friends who were struggling.
They were all living un-happy and un-fullfilled lives and "blaming" others?
So here is my "7 tips to create an Un-happy life for yourself."
1. Take no responsibility for your own feelings
Make sure that you do not take responsibility for your own feelings and your own sense of safety and security.
2. Find someone to do it for you
Look for someone to fill your emptiness, someone to make you feel loved, happy, safe and secure.
A good way to determine if this is the right person is if he or she comes on REALLY strong, promising you the world, or at least great sex.
3. Once you find the right person, be sure to behave in one of the two following ways
a. Completely give yourself up
Completely put yourself aside, focusing all your attention on the other person's feelings and needs.
Your thinking is that if you are wonderful enough and sacrifice yourself enough, the other person will give you the love you are seeking.
Be sure to completely ignore your own feelings and needs, no matter what the other person does.
Be the best caretaker you can be to try to have control over getting the other person's love and approval.
b. Demand the other person live up to your expectations
Start slow, gradually building to becoming more and more demanding of the other person.
If he or she does not meet your expectations, be sure to criticize, blame, chastise, berate, threaten, ignore, yell at, belittle, lecture, debate, and argue with your partner.
Your job is to gain control over getting the other person to completely give him or herself up and focus only on filling your emptiness and needs with their love, approval, attention, sex, devotion, time, and adoration.
Be the best taker you can be, making sure to keep your partner feeling guilty and responsible for your feelings of security and self-esteem.
4. Be the victim
As your relationship starts to decline, move more and more into thinking and behaving as a victim of the other person's choices.
This will lead to more fights or to distance, lack of passion, lack of fun, and a complete inability to communicate about anything, even minor situations.
In any discussions, be sure to seek to be right, win your point and make your partner wrong.
After all, this is a competition for who is the good one and the right one.
Or, just collapse and give in, a great way to be a victim.
Start to spend less and less time with your partner, spending it alone or with other people, or in front of the TV.
Convince yourself that your misery is completely your partner's fault, and that you picked the wrong person, again.
NEVER EVER take any responsibility for your own feelings, needs, behaviour and choices.
Never forget that you are the victim.
6. Get your partner into therapy
Seek counselling to get your partner to change.
Do NOT enter counselling to deal with your own controlling behaviour of being a taker or caretaker.
Rather, be sure to tell the therapist everything your partner does wrong, using the therapist's office as just another arena to prove that you are right and your partner is wrong, or you are the good one and your partner is the bad one.
Above all, do NOT look within at yourself.
After all, it is your partner who needs to do this, not you!
7. You did it...Congratulations!
You have succeeded in creating a terrible relationship!
Now you can miserably and righteously leave your partner and do the whole thing again!
You get to complain to all your friends about what a terrible person your ex-partner is and get sympathy for all you have been though.
What a reward for all your hard work!
An UNHAPPY and miserable life!
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It will NEVER just happen to you.
You cannot "find" lasting love.
You have to "make" it day in and day out.
That is why we have the expression "the labour of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and commitment.
And most importantly, it takes knowledge and undestanding.
You have to know what to do to make your relationships work.
Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your relationships
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your loving bond stronger.
It is a direct practice of cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable .
You can "make" love.
Love in relationship or marriage is indeed a "decision."
Not just a feeling.
No one falls in love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.
So it is by CHOICE that you can have an unhappy relationships.
It is by CHOICE you can have happy relationships.
As always, leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.
Average men and women know only the rules.
Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!
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