Recently I had a chance to catch up with some people I had not seen in a really long time.
Many of them had achieved what they set out to do when we were teenagers.
But there were a few who were still struggling - you know - they were trying to figure things out but could not understand why things had not improved for them.
I explained to them that things do not get better - you have to make them better.
Nothing changes for you overnight except the passage of time - which has it's own side effects.
One thing I noticed they shared in common - these past friends who were struggling.
They were all living un-happy and un-fullfilled lives and "blaming" others?
So here is my "7 tips to create an Un-happy life for yourself."
1. Take no responsibility for your own feelings
Make sure that you do not take responsibility for your own feelings and your own sense of safety and security.
2. Find someone to do it for you
Look for someone to fill your emptiness, someone to make you feel loved, happy, safe and secure.
A good way to determine if this is the right person is if he or she comes on REALLY strong, promising you the world, or at least great sex.
3. Once you find the right person, be sure to behave in one of the two following ways
a. Completely give yourself up
Completely put yourself aside, focusing all your attention on the other person's feelings and needs.
Your thinking is that if you are wonderful enough and sacrifice yourself enough, the other person will give you the love you are seeking.
Be sure to completely ignore your own feelings and needs, no matter what the other person does.
Be the best caretaker you can be to try to have control over getting the other person's love and approval.
b. Demand the other person live up to your expectations
Start slow, gradually building to becoming more and more demanding of the other person.
If he or she does not meet your expectations, be sure to criticize, blame, chastise, berate, threaten, ignore, yell at, belittle, lecture, debate, and argue with your partner.
Your job is to gain control over getting the other person to completely give him or herself up and focus only on filling your emptiness and needs with their love, approval, attention, sex, devotion, time, and adoration.
Be the best taker you can be, making sure to keep your partner feeling guilty and responsible for your feelings of security and self-esteem.
4. Be the victim
As your relationship starts to decline, move more and more into thinking and behaving as a victim of the other person's choices.
This will lead to more fights or to distance, lack of passion, lack of fun, and a complete inability to communicate about anything, even minor situations.