With your help ... we're going to bring much more unconditional love into the world!
Hey, YourTango Friends ... huge news! I recently closed my first book deal. The working title is Radical Acceptance: Loving the One You’re With. It’s scheduled for publication in early 2017 by Atria Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster.
I'm especially thrilled because I've been developing the concept of Radical Acceptance for many years. I believe in it passionately. Radical Acceptance has transformed, both, my life and my marriage; it's also a key catalyst behind why I created YourTango.com.
Another thing I believe in passionately is sharing REAL stories about how everyday people make modern love work!
For those who aren't familiar with the concept, "Radical Acceptance" means loving someone fully and without judgment. It means loving someone wholly for who they really are: flaws, differences, quirks, and all.
After all it’s easy to love someone’s attractive parts — their humor, charisma, intelligence, kindness, generosity, creativity — but it’s their differences and proverbial "unlovable" parts that most require your love, tenderness, and compassion.
Radical acceptance offers an unparalleled opportunity to give someone your unconditional love and to transform yourself along the way.
I describe a bit more about my "Radical Acceptance" journey in the article I wrote about two years ago. I emphatically state that some traits and circumstances are NOT acceptable, such as physical violence and emotional abuse. Relationships plagued by these behaviors need to end, immediately.
But commonly, there is a spectrum of gray — challenges and differences that we each may or may not find acceptable. Which traits require radical acceptance and which cannot vary from relationship to relationship.
So what does this look like in your relationship?
It means radically accepting (or at least coming to peace with) your partner's hard-to-love traits: Maybe he's cranky, critical, lazy, loud, hyper-sensitive, hyper-confident, over-communicative, under-communicative, overweight, shabbily dressed, ridiculously groomed, a cheapskate, magnanimous beyond his means, too nice, not nice enough, too eager, ambivalent, too hairy, too "manscaped."
We all know the list goes on. And on.
Perhaps he has different priorities or preferences than you do: He is fanatical about The Mets while you adore The Met! Or, maybe you both have enormous religious or cultural differences (a topic that I will address in the book).
I also emphatically note that radical acceptance gives no one a license to take advantage of you, nor for you to serve as a doormat. Radical acceptance isn't about taking the path of least resistance. In fact, it's the opposite.
Radical acceptance can help you. But, it will ask a great deal from you.
It requires tenacity, wisdom, maturity, and, most importantly, a huge amount of trust. Radical acceptance starts and ends with you: Are you willing to give your partner (and yourself) the best gift ever? If so, I’m excited to show you how.
The feedback I have received on Radical Acceptance over the years has been overwhelmingly positive. In addition to the countless couples and individuals Radical Acceptance has helped, it’s had a profound, transformative effect on my own marriage and many other relationships. I was very gratified that when it came time to sell my book, these sentiments were echoed across the book-publishing world. After many meetings with publishers, three over-arching themes emerged:
- Radical Acceptance offers a fresh take on the topic of love and relationships. As a genre that is virtually saturated, this is a feat!
- Radical Acceptance is instantly relatable and accessible to people of all ages, sexual orientations, and genders. It was a thrill to hear so many editors and marketing professionals tell me that upon reading my proposal for the book, they were practicing the concepts with their spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, friends, and even co-workers!
- Due to its universal applicability, Radical Acceptance has the potential to be a "big book." My goal is for it to make the New York Times bestseller List, of course, but more importantly I want to help millions of people’s relationships across the globe thrive.
And after a week of aggressive bidding, I'm grateful and excited that Atria was the winning publisher. A leading imprint at Simon & Schuster, Atria is home to a broad range of influential thought leaders and bestselling authors including the Dalai Lama, Shirley MacLaine, Mark Nepo, Marlo Thomas, Jack Canfield, and The Secret's creator Rhonda Byrne. And I am hugely excited to be working with Sarah Cantin, my rock-star editor.
Yes, as a first-time author who has always dreamed of writing a book, this truly is a dream come true for me!
To write the best book possible and to achieve the full potential of the Radical Acceptance practice, I am eager to hear ... from you!
Here's how I'd love to include you (and your story) in the book:
- The chapter I’m writing now is on relationship deal breakers. Do you (or did you) ever have any? If so, what were they? Did they hamper your ability to find love or achieve a lasting relationship? Or, did they help ensure you ended up with a suitable mate? We have put together a really fun survey and I’d love your insights and experiences with personal deal breakers!
- I’m creating a Radical Acceptance mailing list and community on Facebook, as well as on YourTango. Please email me at RadicalAcceptance@yourtango.com if you would like us to include your journey. (We promise not to spam you nor sell your name!) I’ll be inviting a bunch of "Radical Acceptors" to the various book parties we plan to host across the U.S.; giving away lots of signed copies of the book; sharing supplementary content, and interacting regularly with what I hope becomes a passionate army of "Radical Acceptors."
- I would love to consider your story in the book if any of the following apply:
- Are you willing to practice radical acceptance over the next few months and share your story with me by March 31st ?
- Have you been practicing radical acceptance and have experiences to share?
- Can you reflect upon failures or challenges in your current or previous relationships in which radical acceptance may have or did help?
Please share! You can email me at RadicalAcceptance@yourtango.com.
And please note whether you're willing to go on TV or talk to other news outlets to share more about your experiences.
Note: as you can see in my original Radical Acceptance article, I put myself (and my marriage and my husband — God bless him!) out there in a BIG way. Though Sanjay and I are very private people, we have realized that radical acceptance not only works for us, but it can also have a meaningful impact on millions of others. Thus, we've agreed to swallow our pride and share some of our vulnerabilities and challenges in hopes that we can make a big difference in your life.
This very act has been key to connecting with so many people already because let’s face it: Everyone has flaws, shortcomings, and vulnerabilities.
As the brilliant social scientist Brené Brown articulates so beautifully in her extensive work on shame and vulnerability, the words "me, too" are among the most powerful things you can say to another person.
We see this all the time across YourTango. As our fearless writers willingly expose their truth in the stories they publish to help others feel validated, less alone, and more understood. My amazing team at YourTango and I always feel grateful when we receive letters and comments that in effect say "me, too" or "that sounds like us" or "I can relate."
Together with YourTango, Simon & Schuster, and a bunch of wonderful, talented people who are contributing stories, quotes and research to the book, we are starting a movement that will have a profoundly positive impact on a very large scale — bringing more love into your life and across this beautiful planet.
Please join us!
Andrea Miller is the founder and CEO of YourTango. She has dedicated most of her career to the mission of helping people build happier, stronger relationships with those they love most. Her first book about "Radical Acceptance" will be published by Atria Books (Simon & Schuster) in early 2017. Andrea is also featured frequently in the media, including multiple appearances on The Today Show, CNN, E!, Fox News, ABC, and radio stations across the U.S., as well as in national publications such as USA Today, The New York Post, The Los Angeles Times, and Business Week.