Instead of giving the couples I work with a list of do’s and don’ts to keep in mind if they want to let down their guard in the bedroom, I encourage them to think smarter about sex. I tell them there are three possible kinds of sex: Avoidant or sealed off sex in which the lovers hide their true feelings, what Hannah and Adam get trapped in above; solace sex in which they briefly express feelings they’re afraid to show in the non-sexual aspects of their lives; and, the gold standard, synchrony sex in which they celebrate their true feelings in great pleasureful surges of testosterone, norepinephrine and dopamine. And it’s absolutely crucial for both men and women to take time to speak to instead of at each other.
Andre Moore, Director of Marriage Couples Counseling and Life Coaching in New York City
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