To begin, we'd like to share a wonderful YouTube video that we found by Marcia Sheinberg of the Ackerman Institute: Loyalty binds experienced by families.
Loyalty binds are causes for potential strife or issues within a family environment, and here they are are discussed in four different contexts:
- Problems with in-laws: The key here is to respect your lover's loyalty to his or her family members even if you don't much care for some of them. For example, we worked with a couple in which the husband couldn't stand his wife's brother. However, at the same time he understood how much she loves her brother, and respected the deep emotional ties between them. It helped the husband to understand and appreciate the difference between his wife's love for him and her love for her brother. It was always a trap for them when he criticized her brother and she defended him. In the the heat of their arguments, it was often easy to forget how much they loved each other.
- Divorce: When parents have plunged into a war over custody and maintenance, their kids can become collateral damage; they often feel they have to choose sides. It's crucial for parents to take their kids off the hook by reminding them that both partners agree they love their children very much — and that the love doesn't stop or go away if they argue, disagree or separate from one another. It's important to remind children that they are loved by both adults, even though they no longer love each another. The concept here is both-and: The kids must be reassured that their parents can both disagree and be allies in loving them. For example, in the film Kramer vs. Kramer, the father tells his little boy that mommy and daddy can no longer live together because they disagree, but the one thing they will always agree on is how much they love their son. Keep reading...
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