There Are Only Lose-Lose Situations With Secrets

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There Are Only Lose-Lose Situations With Secrets
Why secrets are bad for couples.

Four YourTango experts gathered together to answer questions about secrets in relationships, and what harm they might cause to marriages.

Whatever the secret is, it can be bad for the partner who is keeping the secret and for the partner left out. If they keep a secret out of fear or shame, they may be terrified to speak out about their secret. But for a relationship to survive, that fear and shame need to be addressed in an open and honest way. Secrets especially need to be dealt with if they affect the partners of the relationship physically, emotionally, or in other aspects of life. So whether you're working with a counselor or not, it's important to encourage a sense of safety so a partner can divulge secrets without worrying about immediate consequences.

But are all secrets bad? They don't have to be. Everyone has secrets; it's part of how we relate to others in society, creating boundaries and learning to manage them within all relationships. So it is important to recognize which secrets need to be addressed within your relationships.

Watch the full video here: Four YourTango Experts Discuss Why Secrets are Bad for Couples

Andre Moore, Director of Marraige Couples Counseling and Life Coaching in New York City

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