Is Virgin-Shaming The New Sl*t-Shaming?


Women seem more ashamed of being virgins than they are of being promiscuous, but why should we care?

A recent survey in The San Francisco Weekly revealed that 1 out of every 10 San Francisco women admitted to still being a virgin.

Could this be possible in the ultra-liberal city of San Francisco? Even more surprisingly, these same women typically lose their virginity at 19 years of age, a year older compared to the national average. But what is really more surprising? The stats or our reactions to them as a society? Does this imply that young women are the victims of a new national trend: virgin-shaming? Is this the new sl*t-shaming?

To take a closer look at this Madonna-wh*re dichotomy, just compare how college students view sex:

According to a blog from The Huffington Post on the college hookup culture, UC Berkeley students describe their sexual encounters in explicit, erotic detail while New York University students describe their sexual encounters as conventional, even decorous. They read more like personals that go on to describe likes, dislikes, personality traits, etc., conveying a deeper need for a relationship. Here are some examples:

From UC Berkeley Hookups: "To the guy who couldn't figure out how to unhook my bra last weekend! We met at SAE, and you said you were in a frat. You smelled soo good and we clicked instantly. Next thing, I knew we were heading to your bed near the football field. Sadly, I had to leave early morning, so I never got your number."

The posts from NYU Hookups pale by comparison: "Female, sophomore, straight, white, 5'10, green eyes, long red hair, professional level dancer; slender, fit, [looking for a] tall good looking guy, who is dominant and will take charge of any situation he is put in. A man who is smart, driven, and passionate. Someone who isn't afraid to get kinky in bed, and knows the true meaning of being a man ... "

While these Facebook posts don't necessarily prove that we may be moving from shaming promiscuous women to shaming virgins, they do suggest two extreme perspectives on sex. What about the rest of the country? Do these posts suggest that women today — especially women in their 20s — are still torn between coming off as too sl*tty and too prudish? They fear being disparaged for being too much of one or the other. So where does that leave us? Keep reading ...

More sex advice from YourTango:

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular