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Good & Bad Fights For Couples

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Good & Bad Fights For Couples
Good fights end with greater understanding. Bad fights always get triggered by low self-esteem.

A good fight for couples always ends with improved understanding and deeper emotional connection. A bad fight, like a weak scene in a movie, never gets to the point or an emotional place where the two antagonist lovers touch each other’s hearts. It just drags on until they walk away in complete despair, then come back later for another round.

The one thing that always leads to bad fights is low self-esteem, when each person is extremely vulnerable and the other does or says things that make the other feel threatened. When there isn’t enough self-esteem on either side, the couple gets sucked into a bottomless pit of insults, accusations and, worst of all, picking apart each other’s behavior. If at least one of them doesn’t have enough self-esteem to hang in there while the other misbehaves, the fight becomes hopeless and the lovers get into big trouble, like Franki and Aaron.

More from YourTango: 2 Vital Things You Need to Get From Your Couples Therapist

A Bad Fight Between Franki and Aaron

Aaron
You think I didn’t know you were faking it!?

Franki
Right, you always know everything. There isn’t a fucking thing in the world you don’t know.

Aaron
I know goddamn well when you fake an orgasm! It’s what you do best, isn’t it. Get ‘em all hot and bothered, then hightail it out of town while your ass is still there in the sheets.

Franki
You know, you missed your calling. You should’ve been a court psychiatrist who analyzes criminal behavior and makes sentencing recommendations. Must be pretty hard for you, always analyzing and judging everybody.

Aaron
You’ve always been a no brainer. You get in there, do your little seductive thing, then bug out like a coward. Not just with sex but everything else. The only time you ever stick around is after you’ve fortified yourself with a half dozen Scotches.

Franki
That’s why you married me, isn’t it, to prove you could upgrade the poor little lush, show her a better life. You really get off on it, playing Professor Higgins to my Eliza Doolittle.

Aaron
Higgins had a lot more to work with.

Franki
As always, the man’s absolutely right. Eliza was smart enough not to marry a constipated asshole like Higgins, a lot smarter than me.

Aaron
What you really mean is Higgins knew better than to get in any deeper with her.

Franki
You constipated shit! What I really mean is that I should never have gotten in any deeper with you and your obsessive need to upgrade every woman you get emotionally involved with because you see them as your deficient mother.

 

Now here's how Franki and Aaron could have a good fight in which they're both less reactive and take time to really listen to one another.

More from YourTango: Stuck in in a Rut in Couples Therapy?

A Good Fight Between Franki and Aaron

Aaron
I’m not saying you actually were, but it felt like you were faking it. And something snapped inside me. I had to get the hell away from you. It was unbearable.

Franki
I guess if you’d stayed you’d have strangled me.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Andre Moore

Marriage/Couples Counselor

For serious lovers who are more interested in celebrating differences instead of being in total agreement with each other.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: MA
Other Articles/News by Andre Moore:

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