These are serious and can get you into major trouble. So please take time to think about each of them:
1. Arbitrary inferences: Conclusions made without supporting evidence. Example: "He's late from work. He must be visiting one of his ex-girlfriends.
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2. Selective abstractions: Information taken out of context. Highlighting certain details and ignoring others. Example: "He always focuses on minor stuff and never gets to the important issues when we're having a serious discussion"
3. Over-generalization: An isolated action or remark becomes representative of everything else. Example: "She disagrees with what I did and I'll always be in deep shit whenever I do anything she disagrees with.
4. Magnification: Something gets blown up beyond proportion. Example: "He has a lot of ex-girfriends and it's just a matter of time before I'm next on the list."
5. Minimization: Something gets ignored when it's really important. Example: "He'll bring me flowers or treat me really good to distract me from what's really bothering me. But it never works for long."
6. Dichotomous thinking: It's either black or white, all good or all bad. Example: "She noticed I missed a spot after I painted the wall. I can't do anything right for her."
7. Mind reading: Believing you know what your lover's thinking without asking. Example: "I know she's just waiting for the right moment to tell me I fucked up."
8. Biased explanations: Assuming your lover has the worst of intentions. Example: "She's acting real hot and sexy because later she'll ask me to do something she knows I hate to do.
These mistakes are very easy to make and each requires a lot of thought. But it's wortth the effort if you want to strenghen your emotional bond and feel safer with each other.
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