Emotionally Focused Therapy Helps you Find the Raw Spots

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Emotionally Focused Therapy Helps you Find the Raw Spots
All lovers have a raw spot in their emotional skin a hypersensitivity that is tender to the touch.

6. When Mary tells Steve she’d like to have more sex, he tenses up and tells her she’s acting like an insatiable nymphomaniac.

7. After Steve calls her a nymphomaniac, Mary goes ballistic and tells him how excited she gets over three guys at work – including her boss – that would just love to get into her pants.

8. John complains that Sally almost never has orgasms and then tells her in a cold, clinical tone of voice that she might have Body Dysmorphic Disorder and suggests that she go see a shrink.

9. Mary gives birth to their baby and Charles feels he no longer exists for her. Whenever they’re alone, he never talks to her or always finds some chore to occupy himself.

10. Franki and Aaron are having sex and Franki, feeling tense, fakes an orgasm. Aaron withdraws from her and retreats to the living room. She follows him, pleading with him to forgive her and he blows up at her and tells her she’s done this with every guy she’s ever been with and acts like a whore.

Choose one incident from above, one that really moves you. Then pick one of the injured lovers. Describe the injured lover’s raw spot and how he/she responded.

Then each of you describe how you identify with the injured lover and how the scene might apply to both of you and how you trigger each others raw spots. Please remember as you do this that it's absolutely critical to slow down, use simple words to  to dsacribe what you're feeling and never blame or analyze your lover.

When we meet with couples the first time, we take a full 2 hoursto help them find the raw spots that they unintentionally trigger in each other.

Andre Moore, M.A., Director of Marriage Couples Counseling and Life Coaching in New York City http://www.marriage-couples-counseling-new-york.com/

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