Are They Cheating On Me?

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Are They Cheating On Me?
9 signs you may be dating or married to someone who's cheating on you...

Ever been in a relationship that feels great and then somewhere along the line something just changes, and you're not quite sure what's off, but you have that feeling they may be cheating? Sometimes intuition is correct, unfortunately. Some people are smooth talkers and get away with it for years. However, if you do suspect, there may be some red flags already in place you're missing.

While everyone is different and some give off warning signs and others do not;

I have found some certain red flags to be true (and these can be true of both genders) of someone who is cheating:

1. They are secretive with their phone or computer; always on it but never allowing you look at it and get defensive whenever you ask about it. Ever hear this line, "But why do you want to look at it? Don't you trust me?" Trust me: those who have nothing to hide won't care if you see and will have no problem being open and honest. This can be true of their phone or their computer. You'll notice that whenever you come into the room or nearby they quickly close or click out of screens or clear the history. Perhaps they're always up late on their computer for hours and hours but never let you see what they're working on.

2. They are never where they say there are. Ex: They'll tell you they're going to work early or they worked late but you find out from a mutual friend they were seen at a local restaurant with someone else. Could be a business meeting, but then again, why wouldn't they tell you if it was? Sometimes they'll tell you they're going to hang out with their friends but end up meeting someone at a club. Usually you can detect this simply by asking a few questions and you'll get a bunch of excuses back. The key is that you've found that they're always somewhere other than where they've said they would be, and always have a bunch of excuses that make it sound rational. You're being had.

3. They have profiles online on dating and hookup sites. This one's a dead give away. Usually you can tell if you find selfies you've never seen on their computer or phone.

4. Selfies. If you find selfies on their phone or their computer you know you've never seen and they've never sent to you, check the dates on them. People rarely take selfies and just keep them hidden away. The point of taking a selfie is 99% of the time to share them with someone.

5. They always talk about other females, and it's usually one specifically. Maybe it's a coworker or a close friend, but the conversation always seems to lead back to that one person.

6. They're hanging out with friends of the opposite sex a lot, and they never want to include you. Dead give away. Having isolated friendships of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship is a big no no. If you can't be included in the friendship, then it's obvious there's a reason; usually they'll say they don't want you to be jealous, yet they know they are engaging in behavior that will make you jealous. Either way, it's a huge red flag.

7. Secret bank accounts and or secret properties. I'm not talking about a secret savings account where your spouse is saving some money away because you're a bad spender. I'm talking active accounts or secret credit cards where money is going in and out every month, dinners, hotel rooms, jewelry stores, maybe even payments on properties or apartments you didn't know existed.

8. Secret Email accounts. They have an email account you know about but you find out there's another one they're using all the time that they haven't told you about. The one you know about is front to keep off your suspicions.

9. Intimacy and physical affection has dwindled and is almost or completely nonexistent. Now there are a lot of sexless relationships where spouses are not cheating. What I'm saying is if you've noticed this in combination with several others listed above, it's quite possible they're cheating. Why? Because if they're sleeping with someone else, they're not sleeping with you. They're getting what they need elsewhere and they don't need it or plan to seek it from you. Some cheaters still manage to have intimate relations with their partners to avoid suspicion, but again, among those who do cheat, this is common.

None of these are guarantees your spouse or partner is cheating, but I have found these commonalities among those who do cheat. And the main commonalities are these: Secrets. They keep secrets, usually big secrets, and have behavior that is secretive.

More relationship advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Anabelle Bugatti Pre-licensed MFT, NCC, Officiant

Counselor/Therapist

Anabelle Bugatti

Counselor/Therapist Intern

Wedding Officiant &

Your Tango Expert

 

Location: Las Vegas, NV
Credentials: MS, NCC
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