How to tell when he's giving you the gentle blow off because he's too afraid to admit the truth.
We've all been there— we think the Universe finally clicked for us because you both seem perfectly in sync and you're thinking, "finally!!" Then, for whatever reason, his pace changes, something feels different but he claims nothing is wrong, and you can feel distance starting to creep up into your relationship. Is it really just settling into a groove or are you missing the signs he's subtly trying to point you to without having to be the bad guy and come right out and say the truth you don't want to hear: He's just not that into you.
Sometimes our own hopefulness and rose colored glasses keep us from seeing the signs clearly. We know they're there and in the back of our minds we know something is up. But we hope the signs are wrong as we try to ignore them and rationalize them away. Sometimes, it's not settling into a comfortable routine. Sometimes, it's really him trying to not crush you and gently get you to get a clue-it's not happening, at least for him.
Here's a few red flags you may be missing:
- He takes days to call or text you back. A guy who's really into you, no matter how busy with his "successful" job, will make getting in touch with you a priority, even if he doesn't have time to chat. It's not like he's at the office literally 24 hours a day and it takes about a minute to send a quick text. Even if he's busy, he'll at least give you the courtesy of letting you know. Guys who are into you will get in touch with you at least once a day if not more. And please don't obsess if he isn't texting you non-stop, he does have a life and a job you know. I'm just saying he's not going to wait 2 or 3 days before texting you and giving you some excuse about being too busy at the office. If he's really into you, he'll let you know no matter how busy he is. Guys who aren't feeling it won't make talking to you a priority; they'll get to it when they have nothing better going.
- He spends more time with his friends than with you. Call me old-fashioned but a guy who is into you will want to spend time with you, and usually a lot of it. Even if his buddies invite him out, he'll still invite you along. It doesn't matter if you've only had 2 dates or been dating 6 months. Guys invite girls they're interested in along all the time and their "buddies" totally get it. The difference between guys who are interested in you and guys who aren't is the ones who want to be with you will make plans to spend time with you right away and often, and they will keep them their plans. Guys who aren't as interested will hang out with their buddies a lot, not invite you along, and may make a plan to meet up with you for a casual drink a week or so down the line. Not a good sign.
- If he tells you he's not ready for you to meet his friends or family. I don't care how little or long you've been dating, if he tells you this, unless he's got abuse in his family or a family crazy, he's trying to let you down gently. First of all, as I said above, guys bring new girls out to their hangouts with buddies all the time. There are plenty of people who introduce brand new dates to their friends. They get that dates comes and go and some stay. And remember the days of dating in high school? Usually you had to meet the parents before dating, not after months of it. Believe me, parents get it too. Just because you introduce a date doesn't mean you're engaged. A guy who is interested enough that he wants to commit to a relationship will introduce you to his family and it won't be a big deal. If they keep you away, something's definitely up.
If he does one or all of these things, you may want to gracefully pay attention to the signs. Many guys will try to nicely let you down before they get to the point where you're clearly just not getting it and they just can't take it anymore. That's when they get brutally honest and it ends up hurting. Of course, this is not the case with 100% of guys and if he's worth the risk, then just have an honest conversation with him about your concerns. But just make sure you pay attention to the signs; this could save you heartache in the long run. As Ivan Ball once said "most of us can read the writing on the walls; we just assume it's addressed to someone else".