Why you Aren't Asking for (and Getting) What You Want

By

Why you Aren't Asking for (and Getting) What You Want
“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” -H. Jackson Browne

We are up in our own heads making assumptions about what they will or will not grant us. We say things like “If I ask him not to bring the Kindle to bed he’ll think I’m being too needy”. Or “My boss will never go for me working from home”, or “My dad will be offended and quit coming over altogether if I request that he call first”.

But those issues are not your business. Your job is to ask for what you want; their job is to hear that however they hear that. Period.

We are so busy making assumptions about what they will say or what they will think that we don’t give them the chance to say or think anything. We scrap the whole idea because we think we already know the outcome.

If you really look at, what this boils down to is a fear of hearing No, right? The motivation behind trying to predict their response and micro-manage their reaction is so that we can avoid those two little letters.

So in sum, there are two primary reasons we don’t ask for what we want. We’re afraid of hearing No, and there is a payoff in being exactly where we are. We also avoid asking for what we want because we assume we already know the answer. But that’s just a fear of hearing No masked as something else.

Now that you know, you can re-evaluate. If you want, crave, or hope for something that you’re not asking for, why aren’t you asking? Does your failure to ask fall into one of these camps?

If so, now you have something concrete to work with.

Is hearing No really as bad as you’ve made it out to be? Are the payoffs in staying stuck really as great as you’re telling yourself they are?

Ask yourself these questions. Then you might feel more empowered to take the leap and ask them for what you want. You never know…when you finally ask, you just might get it.
 

Dr. Amy Johnson has a new book out! Check out Modern Enlightenment: Psychological, Spiritual, and Practical Ideas for a Better Life.

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB