How to Ask for What you Want


How to Ask for What you Want
Making straightforward and kind requests can strengthen-or even save-relationships.

4. Acknowledge and praise what is good about them. Let your other know how much you appreciate the other thoughtful things he does. Tell him you totally understand that he needs to blow off steam after he works so hard all day and you get that video games are his favorite way to do that. Give genuine praise for all that is good about them—there is a lot that is good when you look for it.

5. Be open to negotiation…or a flat out no. Your request for less video game time might be met with negotiation or with a flat out no. That’s okay—your job was to ask for what you want, their job is to grant or not grant your request. No harm, no foul. If they say no, you’ll have to make a choice about what you’re willing to live with but at least you asked. At least you put it out there and did your part.


So go ahead, ask. Make your request. Follow the guidelines above. Even if they deny your request, you’ll be no worse off than you are now. And in many cases you’ll end up with an outcome that’s much better than what you have now.

Dr. Amy Johnson is teaching a 3 week telecourse called Radical Relationship 911 to help you transform your relationships. It begins May 23. Check it out.

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