Top three problems that will deprive engaged couples of an everlasting marriage.
Is love intoxicating? Is love's spark blinding? On the emotional level it feels wonderful, but when reality kicks in, you're undeniably sober and your hawk sight is as sharp as ever. When does reality hit?— After marriage! And, sometimes, it's during the engagement!
The majority of engaged couples are head over heals in love that they become love-drunk and love-blind, unaware of the top three problems that will deprive them from an everlasting marriage.
What are these problems that cause engaged couples to go their separate ways? Or to divorce after just a few years of marriage?
Those three problems, here in Part I of this topic, are under the umbrella of Love Building. Engaged couples think consciously that because they are in love, they are building their life together, they can overcome many obstacles, which is true to a certain extent, but not those three conspicuous obstacles.
There is another set of three problems under the umbrella of Love Protection, which will be discussed in Part II of this topic.
1. If you are an engaged couple, you are so much in love you think that everything will be great —Love will conquer everything.
Because love is an amazing emotion, it puts the world on hold so you may build special moments and passionate memories, which is absolutely wonderful! But, this is a severe problem!
With all the excitement of love, losing yourself in the moments you're living with your soul mate: the love of your life, the one and only one that exists in this whole wide world, it is hard for you to hear, see, feel and know that there is something that you don't like about your spouse-to-be. It can be difficult to notice that there is a potential danger lurking behind the screen of love.
Love building depends on using the right components. Selection is one major component and is an important step for an everlasting marriage; of course I'm talking about the right selection of your spouse-to-be. If your selection is wrong, your relationship is doomed. How are you going to build a strong foundation for your marriage and your future family with the wrong person? Love will not be enough to hold your relationship together because the other person's values might be completely different than yours. It could be that their communication style is unbearable for you. Your priorities in life are so different. You might have heard your friends say:
"He is so wrong; he's so not the right person for you!"
"I can't believe she is in love with him! They both are so incompatible!"
You don't listen, see, or notice! You are busy building passionate moments and not building Marriage Life Skills.
2. During your wedding preparation you ignore any red flags that might arise.
Planning an event especially the biggest day of your life can be very stressful. Undesirable behaviors, attitudes, and patterns, show up whether it is from the Bride, Groom, friends, or in laws!
You might want to ask yourself a few questions:
- Is preparing for the wedding a pleasure or a chore?
- Are you doing everything you wished for? Are you in control?
- Who takes over?
- Is your partner involved?
- Is it a mother and daughter affair and the groom not included?
- Are there issues that are important to you but not your partner?
- Are your future in-laws controlling everything that you don't have a say?
And so on and on and on……
All of the above and other examples are little red flags that wave with a vengeance and you ignore them, because, yes,— you are in love. But at a certain point you become irritated and can't stand it!
When your intuition tells you something doesn't feel right or doesn't feel comfortable, then the best thing to do is to be clear and express your feelings frankly. These situations must be handled diplomatically if your intent is to truly keep your love, your marriage, safe and protect it from any pollutants.
Before jumping onto the one marriage pollutant that irritated you, give your partner a sincere compliment for something that you appreciated, something that he or she has done earlier that made you think, "Oh! That's very thoughtful!" Then you smooth into the desired issue of discussion politely and intelligently.
When these red flags appear, you must be certain that it's an issue that you'll need to address, thoroughly, so that it won't haunt you through the years of your marriage.
3. How emotionally intelligent are you both?
I love the way Anthony Robbins calls it: "Emotional Fitness".
This is the one factor that, if not present, the whole love building will fall apart. I have put together a system on how to teach yourself emotional fitness by following the following routine for you and your partner! For the purpose of the article here, I've summarized it. This system is an exercise that I work with my clients to build their emotional intelligence muscle.
For your partner:
What emotion is your partner going through?
Dance with the emotion, acknowledge it and be either empathetic or encouraging depending on the situation or event.
Develop a resiliency on how to react to various emotions
Learn what are the best methods to deal with various emotions
Realize what emotion you're going through
Adjust and control your emotion
Align your higher meaning of your love and relationship with which emotions will serve you best.
If you are truly in love and want to ensure an everlasting marriage, then take the following preventative measures:
1. Love, as a foundation for an everlasting marriage needs a lot of hard work. Understand what realistic love means and how it helps you deal with life events as they come, and make sure that love and its right components is strong enough to withstand all challenges that will come your way.
2. Red Flags are a warning sign that something doesn't feel right and that you need to address it' understand why it's happening, and not to leave it for a later time.
3. Emotionally intelligent people didn't reach this point except after wor: hard work of searching, learning, and applying what they learn in exercises geared to differentiate between the different emotions and their effect on both themselves and their partner in life. They learn the best way suited to handle the different emotions that erupts between them.
Being heads over heals in love does not mean to give a blind eye to problems. On the contrary, it is the best thing to happen to help the couple open up for each other more with full understanding. It is the cornerstone of the strong foundation of their happy everlasting marriage.
More love/relationship advice on YourTango:
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