The only person responsible for your happiness is you.
One of the most common questions my clients repeatedly ask me is whether it's possible for them to be happy again after divorce.
My answer? ... I know it is because I am divorced and I am happy.
The sad fact is that five years after divorce, 60% of people are no happier than they were before their marriage ended; 20% are significantly less happy and only 20% are happier. Only a 20% chance of being happier seems like poor odds, yet not all people should or desire to remain married. So what can we do?
For me, the biggest part in healing was when I owned my part in the demise of our relationship. At first I was angry. I wanted to blame everything, all my problems, my unhappiness, my loneliness and dissatisfaction on my ex. The "aha" moment occurred when I realized I was responsible for creating my own happiness. I could choose to create my own happiness and joy. Letting go, forgiving my ex, forgetting the grudges and the hurt did not make any difference to him. But it made a big difference to me. Holding on to grudges and bitterness only hurt us. I chose to let go of the negative stuff to make room for joy and happiness to re-enter my life.
If you want happiness after divorce, let go of the bitterness, the anger and the frustration. Forgive. Let go of the drama. Be open to possibilities and new experiences. Live in a state of wonder and curiosity. Commit to radical self-care. Take yourself on dates. Fall in love with yourself. Call a coach for support. Give yourself all the love and care and attention you deserve. And do all of this before you start dating again. Examine the part you played in what went wrong. Love yourself. Value yourself. Take 100% responsibility for creating the joy and happiness you desire in your life. You are worth it.
Yes, you can be happy after divorce!
Amelia Barnes is an expert on divorce, having coached on relationship issues for over twenty years and led hundreds of individuals through divorce recovery classes. If you are serious about moving on and being happy after divorce, contact Amelia at Amelia@inneroutcomes.com for a complimentary coaching session.