Have you ever been face to face with a friend, family member, or even your spouse and instead of talking and sharing warm inviting conversation, they are texting, looking at Facebook, on the phone or otherwise paying more attention to the electronic screen in front of them than they are to you. Maybe you are the one playing with your electronic device, and not connecting with others. Anymore of this often seems the norm. As a society, we are losing the ability to forge deep connections and friendships with the people we love. Instead we often settle for "likes" on our posts or 140 character messages.
Are You Pizzled?
Pizzled, according to Daniel Goleman in Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, came into our vocabulary in 2006, as a cross between the words puzzled and pissed. Pizzled is the feeling of hurt and indignation that people feel when the person they are with is physically present, but on electronic devices and not available for personal communication. Facebook, email, texts, and even the phone are great ways to stay in touch, but when we prioritize them over human connection we loose. We forfeit our ability to make deep intimate connections that we as humans crave. Deep connections take real time and space and actual human contact to grow.
My daughter requested that we limit our use of electronic devices on a recent twenty hour car trip to Virginia and back. We talked. We laughed. We shared stories. We didn’t agree on everything but we shared a wonderful experience, strengthening our connection and our shared experiences. We got to know each other better and in the end found that we like traveling together. We like each other’s company. What a wonderful gift! Give the gift of your presence.
Pizzled or Pleased?
Electronic devices are addictive. We have created less time for interaction with others in our outer world. We have also created less time for introspection and the opportunity to reflect, to know ourselves, who we are and what we want to create in our lives. Will you be pizzled or pleased. How will you choose to spend your time?
I encourage the art of listening. Listening to ourselves and listening to others. I, also, encourage the art of conversation. Amazing how many couples come to me for marriage coaching because they can’t communicate. Good communication starts by being face to face, eye to eye in the same room, having a real time chat. Spending time on a regular basis to talk about hopes and dreams and what’s for dinner and who washes the dishes, creates intimacy and deepens relationship. It’s also a great form of foreplay.
Create Electronic Free, Screen Free Time Together.
Play a board game. Decorate a gingerbread house. Bond over stories and a jig saw puzzle complete with hot chocolate (or a Margarita). Laugh. Give your loved ones and yourself a wonderful gift. Give the gift of your focus and your complete attention. Give the gift of your presence. Don’t be pizzled.
More Effective Communication Advice on YourTango:
- The Key To Effective Communication
- Say What?: Effective Communication For Your Love Life
- Online Dating Tips For Single Men