The most important three word phrase is not I Love You.
Most people would assume the hardest three words you may ever have to say would be “I love you”. But those words come from the heart, in a bigger realm, they flow easily. The three hardest words you may ever have to say are “I need help”. The solution seems simple, but in reality, it can feel impossible to make it happen.
After a loss, we feel completely out of control, sad, lost, and numb, amongst many other feelings. It can be very hard to continue our day to day lives, and sometimes our grief gets in the way. It takes a strong person to humble themselves and ask for help. If we could only find a support group, if we could only have just one person to listen to us, wouldn’t that make things seem a bit easier? Most of us do have a support team. We just choose not to see them.
"People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.
Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar."
For most of us, saying “I need help” is admitting failure and vulnerability. In truth, asking for help doesn't mean you're a failure. It is actually a wise and very successful strategy because it will save stress and time. But how to get to that realization is key. How many times have you said to a friend or relative in need, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you"? Don’t you think someone would do the same for you?
Here are five signs that you need to humble yourself and ask for help. And five false things our brains are telling us to stay isolated. Misery loves company and will grasp at anything to keep us loathing in our sorrows. Please heed these signals so you'll know when to say “I need help!” Remember, your only limits are self-imposed.
1) You are not going to work, calling in sick, and/or staying in bed all day.
Obviously you may not be able to see this as a depression, but your co-workers, family and friends will. You may even have shut your phone off or ignore your emails or text messages. The outside world is seeing your pain and wants to help. You need to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and listen. You may not agree with their words, or see eye to eye at this point, but your life is more than your bed, your home, your apartment. And when you have made yourself exclusive to this place, you need to ask for help. You need to grasp at any venue to improve your situation by your own efforts. Admitting that you are human and that your heart is aching takes strength. You will be surprised at the support you will receive.
2) You are drinking alcohol, or using drugs more than usual.
Have you had one too many hangovers? Can’t stop popping Excedrin? Are you walking through life numb, stoned, and drunk? Are you having one night stands, partying like a rock star? In most cases, you may be putting your self at risk for a DWI, STDs or possible reckless endangerment of someone’s life. We see it all the time, in the magazines, when “stars” break up or divorce. At some point, either someone intervened, or they asked for help, because weeks later they look fabulous and are back to being on top of their world. Do you fear you are being a burden if you ask for help? One phone call to the right friend and you will realize your fears were all in your head. You are not alone. Are you thinking to yourself, “what if they say no”? Will it feel like some one is judging you now on your worth? This is something in our own head. How many times have you offered to help others? If you believe in Karma, the payback is always tenfold. If you take a deep breath, and pick up the phone to ask for help, within moments you will feel relived, the fear of rejection will be dissolved, and your first step in a positive direction has just begun. Failure is only a fact when you give up. Being defeated is only temporary. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up? You will if you say those three words.
3) You are stalking your ex’s Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, and/or you are overly texting and emailing him/her.
So, you have not “de-friended” each other yet, and you find yourself obsessed with what your ex-partner was doing, or where they were, or who their new friends are? Or are you texting and emailing, begging him or her to come back, or threatening and manipulating? When it has become an obsession, you need to stop and ask for help. At this point you have to look yourself in the mirror, and realize that you must embrace the separation. It is time to “do you”. Worry about yourself and your life only. The drama and saga has you sucked in, and your self pity has gotten a hold of you. You are better than that. You only live once. Ask your friends or family for help, text a friend to go for coffee, not for the latest gossip, but your real friends will help you to de-friend this person, and only help you. Lean on your support group, and live graciously. When you look back one day, you will see the self respect you had for yourself that you let go. It is an empowering feeling when you respect yourself enough to say those three words! "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
4) You're not showering, not wearing makeup, and generally not taking care of yourself.
Have you left the house again in dirty clothing or no makeup again and again? Did you stop caring about yourself? Why let someone else rob you of your joy? You need to ask yourself “Why have I let myself go?” Is it a fear of moving on and meeting someone new? Are you falling into a state of depression? As hard as it is, it is time to ask for help. Let go of the feelings of shame and embarrassment. Do not be discouraged, but figure out the best person to help with your problem for where you are today. Determine the best way to ask for help. Sometimes just saying “I need help”, “Call me”, or “come over” works, be direct, and be clear. Don’t you deserve the best? Don’t you deserve to look your best? Feeling healthy and feeling good about you is not a luxury - it's an absolute necessity.
5) You experience uncontrollable sobbing and outbursts of crying.
Do you find that you cannot make it through the day without crying? Sometimes we need outside sources to take the “edge off”. You may be suffering from a form of depression, and therapy may be needed. If you are finding yourself in a deep depression, it may be time to pick up the phone and ask for help. Sometimes a gentle whisper of “I need help” is enough to make our loved ones do what it takes to get us back to square one. The fear of weakness or incapability is how we judge ourselves. The power to conquer the unknown lies within us; if you cannot be your own best friend right now, ask for help. Talk to your friends, family, and a counselor and/or loved ones and let them know you may need a bit of extra support in the next little while. Additionally, create an action plan to post in key places, such as on your fridge or hidden away in your desk at work. That way you'll have people looking out for you, but you'll also have created a foolproof list of things that make you happy to refer to. Life is a succession of moments, seconds and minutes. To live each one is to succeed.
Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze us; they are supposed to help us discover who we are. Choice is a gift given to everyone. It is a powerful gift that can change your life. If you choose to stay where you are, you are succumbing to the FEAR in your head. (FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.) Choose to ask for help. You deserve to be happy.