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• Hi Don, Thanks for the question. After reading your description, it's apparent that you are interested in this woman and that you two have chemistry. It also seems that she is sending a clear signal that despite the chemistry, she has her hesitations and won't likely pursue anything. Things can always change, but it's important to respect someone's perspective and let things evolve if/when she's open to exploring things with you. Fortunately, you seem to have joy and an active social life in your own home town, so I would encourage you to put your focus on that. You expressed your desire to keep the option open, but it seems that the choice now falls in her lap, as you've been clear in expressing your interest. If you let things lie, they will either fizzle out because of her hesitations or they will shift based on her interest/time table. I don't think you can do any more to 'keep the option open' so be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and sharing your interest in her. And remember that human nature dictates an innate desire to deepen a relationship once the other party moves on. I don't mean to imply that you should ever play games with this woman or any woman (because they will only backfire if you do). Just a little food for thought. Best of luck to you! Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT www.LifeIssuesPsychotherapy.com SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Friend Zone? In? Staying out?

• Hi Phillyevol, It's human to jump to the worst case scenario, but it doesn't mean it's true. In all relationships there comes a time to evaluate what you are getting and what you need. If your partner feels there is something missing, it's extremely important for you to have an open, honest conversation about what you are each looking for. That being said, if he is interested in sleeping with others, it's his right to go off and explore that...and it's equally your right to set out and find someone that is only interested in monogamy (as you deserve). Best of luck to you! Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT www.LifeIssuesPsychotherapy.com SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: apart

• Hi MYC. It's easy to fantasize about how wonderful your life could be with someone else, particularly when you are dissatisfied with your current relationship. It may even be likely that your first love could be all the amazing things you are imagining, but you have very little hope of making it work for the long term if you are leaving one relationship to jump into another. Because you need time to heal and process (even if you want out of the relationship to begin with) and because you will destroy your current friendships if you break up with your fiancee and run directly to your first love. It's too much pressure and baggage to develop a healthy foundation for a relationship. Guilt, misunderstandings and hurt will reign and you won't have a fair chance to make the new relationship work. Instead, ask yourself if you would still want to break up with your fiancee if you had never reconnected with your ex. It's the only way to determine if you are really unhappy with him. Everyone deserves to be with the person they want to be with, instead of settling for what they have, if it truly isn't something that fulfills you. Respect yourself, your rights and your partner's feelings and do some serious soul searching about whether or not you are getting what you want/need out of this relationship and then decide how you want to proceed, regardless of who next you'll be in a relationship with. Best of luck. Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT www.LifeIssuesPsychotherapy.com SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: should I stay or should I go??

• Hi Shook. I don't have a lot of detail to go on based on your question, but I suggest you ask yourself what the fighting was REALLY about. A fight is rarely about the content (Ie. You forgot to take out the trash) but instead it's about the emotions that aren't being tended to, that create the reactive response(Ie. How your partner feels about you not paying attention to his or her request for you to take our the trash etc). Once you have a better handle on the core issues, ask yourself how wiling you are to work to find the compromise in these struggles. If you feel that you are able to make change, reach out to your partner and share with them what you've realized and what you are willing to do differently to bring peace and harmony to the relationship. If they are open to trying, you both have an opportunity to rekindle the relationship and make it an even better, stronger version than it was before. Best of luck. Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT www.LifeIssuesPsychotherapy.com SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Help

• Hi S. You ask an important and very common question about whether or not to stay and what you might be risking if you go. Before you delve into the issue any further, you have to ask yourself if you would still want to leave the marriage if this other person wasn't around. Meaning, would you still want to leave if it meant that you would be alone? If your answer is yes, you have a lot more clarity as to how to proceed. That being said, you should always act in whatever way will most limit your regret down the road. Ask yourself if you feel that you have done everything possible to work on and better the relationship before you make the final decision to divorce. Without feeling convinced that you've tried all avenues to remedy your issues, you may wonder if you made a mistake down the road. Regarding the person that has resurfaced, you are absolutely right...you should never leave one relationship for another. Even if you are at peace with the divorce, there is still time needed to process and heal and running directly into a new relationship spells disaster for it's future and for your healing process. If you are truly meant to be with this other person, the time you take to be alone and get re-acclimated with your life, won't jeopardize your future with him. Best of luck to you. Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT www.LifeIssuesPsychotherapy.com SEE MORE

  POSTED ON: Should I take the Risk?

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