Accept the Unjustness of the Situation – While your partner may have committed the crime, you BOTH will have to do the time. They will be dealing with guilt and your emotional backlash, however, YOU will have to forgive, learn to trust again and work to build a new kind of relationship. Also, while you certainly never caused the infidelity, you may also have to hear painful details of what your partner felt they weren’t getting from you, that they found with someone else. Completely unfair, but all of this hard and unjust work can pay off in the end. The success lies not only in getting past the infidelity but also in the establishment of better, more honest communication and a deepening of the connection.
Leave Your Ego at the Door – When our partner makes a mistake, the human response is to become indignant and righteous but it doesn’t remedy the issue. Attempt to listen to their thoughts and feelings as to why they were unfaithful, with a sense of grace. By this I mean, leave your ego at the door and allow yourself to be flawed. Our tendency is to defend our actions, but what if we told ourselves that it was okay to make mistakes? We could listen, adjust and do better next time. This benefits not only your relationship but your sense of self as well.
Over Time, Deflate the Punching Bag – When we’re angry, we want our partner to know it and we feel compelled to remind them time and time again. If we sense that they are forgetting their wrong doings even for a minute, we proverbially beat them up…a lot. Once you start to mend the relationship, you must remember that to truly heal, you have to move on. This doesn’t mean that your partner has forgotten what they have done. They will remember and regret the rest of their lives, but they cannot be punished forever. Over time, you must reconcile this fact in order to complete the curative course that the two of you are taking together.
As with any emotional shake up, seeing a therapist will always be your best bet for tackling an issue such as infidelity. There are far too many stages and struggles to manage on your own. Through the process, you will learn greater tools and skills to apply to your relationship and fortify it against future disaster. Will Demi and Ashton do what it takes? Better yet, will YOU?