What Demi Should Know if the Ashton Rumors are True
By Allison Cohen, M.A., MFT. Posted on .
Demi likely got a nasty surprise when the papers outed Ashton’s rumored wild night in a hot tub recently. Why was it a shock? Because Demi wasn’t there. Unless they have an open arrangement, they are going to have to do a lot of work to repair their marriage from the hurt, deceit and embarrassment caused by this scandal. While your relationship may not be making headline news, women across the world will have to plow through the same trials that Demi may soon go through, after finding out that their partner has betrayed them. The good news is that there hope for celebrities and non-celebrities alike. The bad news is that you have to make a commitment to wading through the many ups and downs of the reparation process. Think you and Demi have what it takes to do the work? Consider the following:
The Love Factor – Simply stated, you have to love your partner more than you hate them for what they’ve done. There might be an instant feeling that this relationship is worth saving and it might be a feeling that comes over you, only after the swift blow to the heart has subsided. Either way, you have to gauge your internal desire and evaluate where that love comes from. Is it fear of being alone or is it a core belief that you both can weather the storm?
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Know the Routine – Once you realize your partner has been unfaithful, your world, much like a snow globe, has been turned upside down and the pieces may be falling all around you. In this space, we experience a myriad of emotions ranging from disorientation, hurt, anger, determination to fight the fight, dejection, confusion, love and back again. This routine will continue to cycle (in no particular order), anywhere from weeks to months. Both you AND your partner have to know this and mentally prepare, much like a fighter entering a battle. The storm will pass, but only after both of you commit to the practice of patience and steadfastness.
More from YourTango: 3 Keys To Lifelong Love
The 5 Ws – While in this emotional maelstrom, questions swirl, race and play on a never ending track, like a hamster on a wheel, but what information should we really have? As we all know, knowledge is power, but there is a point where too much IS too much and it may in fact, damage the road to recovery. Instead of asking and badgering for every last detail (that WILL in fact, break your heart and WON’T in fact, make you feel better), focus on the 5 Ws:
1. WHO – (Did your partner cheat with)
2. WHAT – (Exactly happened between them)
3. WHEN – (Did it all happen)
4. WHERE – (Did it all happen)
5. WHY – (Emotional motivations for stepping outside the relationship)
