Heat it up.
Sure, I’ve been a couple’s therapist and relationship expert for about 6 years now, but I’ve been a part of a couple for much longer. I feel that is what makes me the real expert when it comes to understanding what will save a relationship.
Living it. Doing it. Understanding it. Everyday. Wash. Repeat.
Relationships are hard. Daily life gets in the way, making them tricky. As a therapist, I’ve seen this play out on a regular basis in my office. Couples are tired and worn out from what life throws at them. And as a result, they turn on each other.
I get it. I’ve been married now for 11 years and it's had its ups and downs. I truly believe the reason my husband and I are happy and have successfully navigated everything thrown life has thrown at us (raising two kids, the death of a parent, new houses, and the crazy sweet daily chaos) is that we cook together. Sound crazy to you? It shouldn’t.
Cooking Therapy (as I call it has) become my passion and life’s work. I’ve created a whole new take on how to "do therapy" by taking couples straight into the kitchen to cook together.
I give them specific recipes to make and questions to ask while cooking. It creates a space and time to have conversations that normally do not happen.
At the end of their couples cooking session? They have made food together and solved a problem. Not too bad! This has helped my marriage too.
When we cook together I’ve felt more reconnected to him, which adds intimacy to our relationship and we can literally solve any problem we’ve faced — all by cooking together.
I believe cooking promotes everything good that relationships have to offer. You can solve ANY problem your relationship is currently going through if you take it into the kitchen and cook together. No, that’s not a grand overstatement. It’s a fact.
I’m here to tell you to go home tonight and cook up a recipe with your partner and it will improve your marriage in 5 ways... plus, it's a fun thing to do with your husband:
1. It improves trust.
The life metaphor here is very black and white, which I love. When cooking together, you must trust your partner to do their step of the recipe, to follow the recipe to make the food.
You are trusting them to pass the ingredients to you and tell you what it is you need to do in order to achieve success in the recipe. This is excellent practice for a couple who needs to build trust in their relationship. Build it in the kitchen first.
2. It creates more intimacy.
Do you even remember the last time you flirted with one another? Kissed? Even touched? Good news! You can do all of this and more when cooking together.
Practice intimacy by flirting more while cooking. Wear a sassy little apron and not much else! But, better still, cooking together also creates a space for emotional intimacy as well. You’re focused only on each other and not much else (other than the food!)
3. It creates time together.
Every relationship we have can benefit from more real face-to-face time. This is a forgotten luxury that ALL relationships require. Go into the kitchen and cook together to log more hours together.
Talk about your day, your week, and your feelings. Just talk and enjoy being together.
4. It solves communication problems.
Nothing forces you to communicate like a recipe. You’ve got pots boiling on the stove, something cooking in the oven, and a timer going off.
Instead of swearing at one another, communicate. Practice listening and talking openly with your partner about a simple recipe without screaming. This practice means better communication.
5, Allows you to reconnect.
Nothing kills a relationship faster than becoming disconnected. Stay in touch with each other while spending this time together cooking. Also, you are able to bring up topics about your relationship that are bothering you in a neutral environment.
Now that you have read this article, here is what I want you to do.
Tonight make a simple dinner. It does not matter what you make. Spaghetti or pancakes, just make something together. Divide up the tasks of the recipe so each person is doing equal work. After you are done, sit down to eat together with no distractions and talk about how it felt cooking together.
Then after dinner, head on over to my website and check out all that I offer.
Live in Virginia? Sign up for a class. Don’t live in Virginia, sign up for my newsletter and read my blog for easy do it yourself recipes. Either way, I want you to start cooking and start solving what is wrong in your relationship today.